Have you ever felt like you’re just aimlessly wandering through life and not getting anywhere? I felt that way, too.
I remember feeling numb, confused, and lost. I was depressed and severely suicidal. I had no wants and no desires of any kind. I had no goals. I felt dead on the inside.
To help me process that season of no aspirations and no motivation, I wrote this poem.
“No Aspiration. No Motivation”
I feel stuck in life and I don’t care about the future.I have no desires of any kind, I’m numb, and I feel no motivation.I searched inside myself, but my broken heart I can’t seem to suture.I just don’t care and for nothing do I have any aspiration.
Why can’t I strive for something great and aim to be important?Why don’t I have at least some kind of meaningful goals?Why are my hope, my drive, my aim – all completely distorted?Why am I not interested is playing any social roles?
I want to want to want some kind of wanting.I want to want to live, and matter, and achieve.Only I don’t. And knowing this is daunting.I’m being honest: all I do is grieve.
My life is not at all like everybody else’s:They have their past, their present, and their future.I am my past. And all I am is helpless.My heart is broken. Can it I ever suture?
I had never lived aimlessly before. It was after the narcissistic tried to destroy my life that I became numb and disoriented in life.
The narcissist practiced mental cruelty on me regularly and soon I was manipulated into a complete mental haze where I became depressed and suicidal.
If you want to learn more about what the narcissist put me through in order to get to the mental state of aimless living, read this article: https://www.quora.com/How-do-narcissists-mess-up-your-mind-so-badly-without-you-ever-suspecting-it-I-feel-so-exploited/answer/Anna-Szabo-JD-MBA?share=121f6874&srid=TY7U
When I was living without intentions, on autopilot, I noticed that future was uncomfortable to think about.
I was just getting through the day. I couldn’t imagine anything good or positive in my future.
I couldn’t set goals because they have to do with being future-focused. I didn’t want to be in my future. I wanted my future not to be, if it makes any sense.
Living without clear intentions resulted in me feeling trapped in annoying mundane. I wasn’t striving for anything. I wasn’t excited. I felt already dead but my body was waking around wearing smiles, dresses, heels, and makeup.
depression playlist here
And people thought I was perfectly alive.
Intentional living starts with our realization of the purpose of life. I asked myself about that and had to look in the Bible to figure out why I was even here to begin with.
Jeremiah 1:5 says this:“Before I formed you in the womb I knew you, before you were born I set you apart; I appointed you as a prophet to the nations.”
God made us on purpose. The intentionality we need to exhibit toward our thoughts, behaviors, and words is explained in the Bible.
God has a purpose for us to minister to His kingdom. That’s the purpose of my life, as I had realized. I am Christ’s disciple, and it’s no small task.
I had a breakthrough: if I wanted to follow Jesus as His disciple, I needed to develop intentional intentionality. Bad English, I know. However grammatically-improper it sounds, intentional intentionality is the key to intentional living.
If we don’t want to wander through life aimlessly, we must set our intentions on living intentionally according to God’s purpose for our lives.
1 Corinthians 7:17 says this:“Nevertheless, each person should live as a believer in whatever situation the Lord has assigned to them, just as God has called them.”
What is is teaching us? We must understand what the Lord assigned to us as a believer and we must intentionally live in accordance with that assignment.
Our lives as Christ followers are aimed to follow our special anointing and glorify God. We must be intentional in how we live out of our gratitude for what Jesus did for us.
To set our intentions, we must understand our identity in Christ and God’s promises to us. Our identity in Christ is reflected in what God says in the Bible about who we are as His children.
If you want to know what God says about you, download my free ebook on the topic called #52Devotionals
download Biblical devotionals ebook
God’s promises have to do with everything God said we can count on as His children: peace, joy, protection, forgiveness, wisdom, love, prosperity, and so many other things.
There are 3573 promises in the Bible! I even wrote a poem about God’s promises as I was trying to set my intentions on my future while recovering from a suicidal depression.
“Standing on God’s Promises”
Life is a series of seasons,With moments of sorrow followed by happy moments.To question God we have many reasons,Especially when facing some devastating disappointments.
Sometimes we question God’s very existence,Or just His presence in our lives.We may confront the idea of God’s goodness with resistance,Especially when grief our daily emotions drives.
Our emotions are not a very reliable source of information.How we feel changes often too randomly.That’s why to confidently walk toward our destination,We need to immerse ourselves in truth extendedly.
We need to understand and believe God’s faithfulness.We need to embrace His eternal promises.We don’t need to make them up or guess -Reading His word is what confidence encompasses.
In the Bible, there are 3573 promises,The word “promise” itself occurs 50 times.End of suffering, protection, and forgiveness,Peace and joy are guaranteed to us always and not just sometimes.
God’s promises are the only solid ground to stand on.Everything else is unstable and temporary.His word is the truth for us to lean on,So that our lives can be for His glory and extraordinary.
poem video here
If we understand who we are in Christ and what God promises to us, we can then use that knowledge every day as our “armor.”
Apostle Paul wrote about the Armor of God in his letter to Ephesians encouraging them to use their identity in Christ and God’s promises to deal with everyday life.
Ephesians 6:13-15 calls to do the following daily:
“Therefore put on the full armor of God, so that when the day of evil comes, you may be able to stand your ground, and after you have done everything, to stand. Stand firm then, with the belt of truth buckled around your waist, with the breastplate of righteousness in place, and with your feet fitted with the readiness that comes from the gospel of peace.”
Being intentional means that you know the purpose of your life and you live in accordance with your special anointing. Intentional living means that every day when you wake up, you arm yourself with peace, your identity as a child of God, God’s eternal promises, and His joy.
Everything changed for me when I decided to live intentionally according to the purpose of my life.
LIVING ON PURPOSE
Your life has a purpose. God uniquely designed every part of you to fulfill that purpose. He made you a masterpiece in His image so you can bring Him honor and glory while living your life intentionally following His word.
Do you believe that God has a special anointing on your life? Are you ready to pray and ask Him to help set your intentions on His plan for a purposeful living?
If you said yes, memorize the Biblical affirmation I created for you.I am intentional
I’m intentional, and my life has a great purpose.God Himself appointed me to make an impact in the world.I am leading my life committed to compassion and service.I am doing exactly what, I know, to do by Him I’m called.
What difference is being intentional making in your life? Share with me in the comments below so I can cheer you on.
If this devotional was helpful, download all #52Devotionals now.
Dear #TruePrincesses! I’m Anna Szabo, the founder of Online Discipleship For Women.
On this Christian blog for women, I write about the six pillars of joyful living: Faith, Food, Fitness, Finances, Felicity, and Fortitude.
Please post your comments and questions for me. Your opinions, thoughts, life stories, and experiences matter. Why? Because every story is for God’s glory. I share with you my life experiences and believe that God has each of us on a very special journey. He wants to uniquely equip and qualify us for special ministry in His kingdom. The purpose of adversity is for us to persevere, grow in faith, and share hope with others. So, share freely here!
May this ministry be a blessing to you!