I am hopeful - Daily Devotional for Women by Anna Szabo of Online Discipleship for Women

Have you ever felt hopeless? Hopelessness led me to a suicidal depression back in 2016. 

“Whoever Brings Blessing Will be Enriched” Proverbs 11:25

Bless Online Discipleship For Women

Then, I realized that both hopefulness and hopelessness take equal amount of hard work but produce different results. 

Hopelessness produces despair and depression often resulting in suicide. 

Hopefulness produces the Fruit of the Spirit: love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control.

Which one do you choose? 

Hope.

I had decided to choose hope, got myself out of depression, and have a joyful life now.

Romans 15:13 says this:

“May the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace as you trust in him, so that you may overflow with hope by the power of the Holy Spirit.”

God gives us hope. He also gives us free will. It means that hope can be freely available to us but we still choose hopelessness.

Why would we do that?

Because we often get confused about the source of our hope. And what is home, anyway?

Hope is defined as a feeling of expectation and desire for a certain thing to happen. The synonym of “hope” is “trust.”

Confusion.

Have you ever felt beyond excited because your man booked a trip to Bali? Have you been in an emotional state of euphoria because he bought tickets for the two of you to go to a famous winery?

I have. All of the above. 

That’s what I mean when say “misplaced hope.” In those two examples above I felt euphoric because I had a feeling of expectation and desire for a certain thing to happen. The thing was a trip to Bali and winery. 

I can’t stop laughing now when I think about it! I was so empty.

I had misplaced my hope in the past in a more serious way. That led to hopelessness resulting in a long-lasting suicidal depression. 

Misplaced hope is a symptom of the spiritual condition I call “confusion.” 

I was so confused at the time when my misplaced hope led me to a deep dark depression. What exactly happened? 

I got married on 5/14/2016 and my Christian husband abandoned the marriage saying all he wanted was to be an IronMan and compete in Kona.

Michel filed for a divorce four months after our wedding. Then, he dismissed that claim. And then five weeks later, he filed for his second divorce in our 10 months of marriage. 

I was depressed and suicidal. I even wrote hear-breaking spoken wort poetry about my suicidal depression.

depression video

I had no energy to continue living in hope. I was hopeless and felt completely helpless. Michel traded me in for a bicycle… In fact, He called his bicycle “My other wife I cheat on you with” in my face.

All of that happened right after our wedding where friends and family were cheering us on just a few weeks prior to Michel’s divorce decision.

wedding video 

I somehow was drawing my hope from Michel’s behaviors toward me and our marriage and his actions. My hope was in Michel instead of “the God of hope” as we know from Romans 15:13.

My hope in Michel and his commitment to our marriage all of a sudden outgrew and overshadowed my hope for eternity with Christ in heaven. I was confused. 

Confusion was my condition. My symptom was misplaced hope. 

1 Corinthians 15:19 says this:

“If only for this life we have hope in Christ, we are of all people most to be pitied.”

What that means is that we must keep our eyes on eternity with Christ forever and not just on this temporary world where we need His help right now.

I deserved to be pitied for sure, like the verse above mentioned. In fact, I needed to have a genuine self-pity party so that I could finally see what was happening. 

False beliefs were taking over my powerful mind driving me deeper and deeper into the darkness of a suicidal depression.

I wrote a heartfelt spoken word poem about my condition and my symptom. It called “Dwelling on Self-Pity.” 

Here’s the poem for you. 

dwelling on self-pity poem video

When I watched this video, I saw how foolish I had been. It appeared to me that I  had no wisdom. 

Proverbs 24:14 says this:

“Know also that wisdom is like honey for you: If you find it, there is a future hope for you, and your hope will not be cut off.”

Wisdom comes from God. Having wisdom implies we know God. He gives us hope. His wisdom is infinite and that means we will never run out of wisdom of God.

I found wisdom in God’s word. Studying the Bible and its teachings about hope, I was able to take my misplaced hope and put it where it belongs – in Christ.

I stopped being a fool with no real hope.

Proverbs 24:20 says this:

“… for the fool has no future hope, and the lamp of the wicked will be snuffed out.”

This means those who are foolish and wicked have no light in them and have no real hope. I was one of those. 

My hope for salvation and God’s kingdom was so small while my hope for Michel’s commitment to our marriage was so big. 

I was confused and that caused my hope to be misplaced, unfortunately.

It could have ended really bad because my suicidal thoughts were taking over quickly and powerfully. Thank God, He revealed His wisdom to me.

video of suicidal thoughts poem 

Wisdom.

I finally got wisdom. With Jesus as my source of hope instead of Michel, my future was bright and beautiful so I began healing.

My depression went away within a month. And I learned to have joy no matter the external circumstances. 

My joy comes from the Lord.

Romans 12:12 says this:

“Be joyful in hope, patient in affliction, faithful in prayer.”

God clearly tells us that there will be afflictions and troubles in our future. Yet, we can be joyful because of our hope in Christ. 

Remember the definition of hope as a feeling of expectation and desire for a certain thing to happen? The “certain thing” for me is my salvation and God’s glorification.

Hopefulness.

There are so many Bible verses I can share with you that demonstrate true hopefulness in Christ.

The one I chose for this devotional is heart-touching and comforts me whenever I’m going through adversity.

Psalm 3:2-6 says this:

Many are saying of me,

    “God will not deliver him.”[a]

But you, Lord, are a shield around me,

    my glory, the One who lifts my head high.

I call out to the Lord,

    and he answers me from his holy mountain.

I lie down and sleep;

    I wake again, because the Lord sustains me.

I will not fear though tens of thousands

    assail me on every side.

Eternity with Christ is the source of my hope and joy. God gives me hope through the power of the Holy Spirit who knows God’s heart and lives in me, thanks to Jesus.

What is the source of YOUR joy? 

If you placed your hope in Christ and fixed your eyes on eternity in heaven, memorize the Biblical affirmation below and practice it often.

I am hopeful 

I abound in hope by the power of the Holy Spirit.

My hope will not end because together with Christ I stand in it. 

I am constant in my prayer and I rejoice, even in tribulations.

My hope is in Jesus Christ and I have no hesitations.

How does your hope in the Lord impact your everyday life and decisions today? 

Share with me in the comments below so  I can rejoice with you.

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