I am healed - a Christian Blog for women by Anna Szabo

This daily devotional focuses on the aspect of your being that is rarely talked about: you are healed by the Lord according to your faith. Complete wellness is something I thought was impossible to ever have again because I was so sick both internally and externally, mentally and physically. Yet, God restored me to good health. I am healed.
The format of this devotional for women is “self-examination” so I’ll be sharing my personal story of how I went from having poor health to having excellent health when I accepted God’s healing. The reason why I chose the self-examination format for my devotionals is because whenever people share with me how I should think, I feel preached to, but whenever people share about their faith journey, their own internal struggle, their heartbreaks and breakthroughs, I feel touched by their story, encouraged, and empowered.The power of vulnerability is huge, so I trust that sharing my afflictions, struggles, and spiritual breakthroughs with you in this Biblical devotional will encourage and empower YOU.
Daily Devotional for Women: “I am healed”Throughout my life, I’ve struggled with poor health, and every year it got worse and worse.
Anxiety, depression, suicidal thoughts, C-PTSD, OCD, stomach ulcers, sinus infections, fungus, yeast infections, broken nose, teen pregnancy and miscarriage, scoliosis, neck and low back injuries, chronic adnexitis, chronic rectal bleeding, chronic bronchitis, alcoholism, smoking, sexual addiction, ear infections, and severe insomnia are just some of the things from which God restored my health according to my faith.
How did this happen?
Literally, overnight (in the spiritual realm). Here’s my story.
How I lost my health one day at a timeGrowing up in my family in Russia, I witnessed them making and drinking their own alcohol. We were a family of drunks. Drunks were everywhere around me. My neighbors were drunks. My cousins, aunts, uncles, friends, classmates – most were drunks. And so I started drinking very early.
My memories take me back to when I was 10 years old and was already drinking pure alcohol from pharmacy with my friends in the woods.
I was 11 years old when my cousin turned 12. We were under the adult supervision of her mother, my aunt. We were at my aunt’s home. And in the trash can after that birthday party was a dozen of empty bottles from all the vodka we drank. Just us – the few young girls.
In addition to all the alcohol, packs of cigarettes were smoked by us every day. I started smoking when I was not even a teen yet. Accompanied by all my aunts and in the presence of my very own mother, I was smoking and drinking together with them.
It’s shocking for me to remember this, yet, that was my reality. Drinking became a big problem for me, one day at a time.
The condo we lived in was old and nasty. We had mold, mice, cockroaches everywhere. There were wholes in my floors and the mice visited often. The wallpapers were off the walls. The ceiling was peeled and peeling more daily. 

There was one bathroom for 10 people. It was leaking and smelling awful. The bathtub was used for laundry since we had no washer and dryer. It was also used to cook and clean after the pig and the chickens we had. It was rusty, the inside was peeling, and it was so ugly and unsanitary. 

The bathroom was covered in mold on walls and the ceiling. There was no sink, only bath. And the family members also used the bathtub for peeing, so the smell there was just unbearable. 

Living in those now-unimaginable conditions, I had fungus for as long as I remember myself. I had fungus on my feet, nails, toe nails, and I had yeast infections regularly.
My mother started getting me addicted to porn when I was very young. I kept my virginity till I was 16, which was too long for her and she highly encouraged me to finally just give it away. So, I did.

I remember one Summer evening. I was with my cousin and her boyfriend. The guy had his friend there, too. I had never met him before, yet, just a few hours later, drunk and almost unconscious, we all were having sex: my cousin with her boyfriend and the new guy – with me.
It was raining so loudly, I remember every drop of rain till this day. There’s so much sadness to feel when thinking about that night.
After that, my mother was happy and encouraged me to sleep around. I was exposed to a daily mental propaganda by her that Sex was love and that I was for sex. She was obsessed with sex and persuaded me that I needed it like air.
I slept with married men, single men, white men, black men, local men, foreign men, men of all (legal) ages and social statuses… I developed a severe sexual addiction that lasted for nearly two decades. I lost my innocence, discernment, and sanity, one day at a time.
My mother told me on a regular basis: “You’re worthless, I hate you and I just want you dead!” She was physically violent with me on a regular basis but there are some special memories of violence I have that really stand out.
One time, I was cooking in the kitchen. It was cold in the Fall, so I wore five-layer pants. She came in, grabbed the frying pan I was using, and poured the boiling oil from the hot pan all over me. If it wasn’t for the thick pants, I’d probably be left severely injured.
One of my earlier memories was her chasing me with a skinny black leather belt and beating a life out of me, then, when I was barely breathing, she was sitting on the floor, crying, telling me how it was my fault that she abused me and how she did that out of love.
I lost my sense of dignity, peace, and security, one day at a time.
I tried to commit suicide when I was 11 and 12 because death seemed like a much better future than living with my mother for another five minutes.
When I turned seven, I was playing in the snow with my older cousin and her elementary school classmate. He was making fun of me in front of her, and the unpleasant experience turned into a bleeding injury: my nose was broken when I fell face-down on ice.
No one took me to the doctor. The bones eventually grew together and I was unable to breathe. I was ordered to have a sinus surgery. The operating surgeon was drunk at the time of performing my surgery. He damaged my sinuses. I struggled with breathing problems, sinus infections, ear infections, and chronic bronchitis for many years.
That same Summer, when I was seven, I was with my grandfather in the garage getting my bike. He was a very large man. Accidentally, he pushed me and I fell 36 feet down. As I was falling, I hit a metal ladder multiple times. I was bruised, but my grandfather was so scared of my mother that he expressed it to me. I was scared for him. So, when she found out, I smiled and was as pleasant as I could be to minimize my injuries and protect my grandfather from her rage. No one took me to a doctor despite my bruises, so my neck and spine injuries resulted in a scoliosis and a reversed neck curve.
When I was still little, my mother took me to a lake. No one ever taught me how to swim, yet I was left alone in the water while my mother was playing cards with other adults. I remember seeing her as I was trying to scream for help, only water was pulling me further and deeper. I lost my fight and drowned.
When I was rescued and brought back to life, not only was it my fault that I drowned l, from my mother’s perspective, but she was also enraged the minute I took my first breath. I hardly ever stepped in the water until I was in my 20s. I lived a life that was as far separated from nature as one could only imagine. Swimming, exercising, walking trails, none of that was available to me.
We lived in the middle of dumpsters in an old neighborhood similar to American projects, and my mother was usually enraged with me or indifferent, so we never went anywhere. Except one place – the farm where she forced me to do hard physical labor which caused so much trauma to my already injured spine and neck.
When I was 17, I got pregnant from a guy I couldn’t imagine building a life with. When I found out, I became so stressed out that I experienced a miscarriage. After that, the doctors ordered to clean out my uterus to ensure the embryo didn’t stick around in part. During that “cleaning” procedure, I had an out of body experience and it was the scariest day of my life. Every six months for the next seven years, I was in a hospital for 21 days with inflammation and bleeding issues. They wanted to remove my ovaries and tubes… I never let them.
At 17, from all the stress, I had to also spend time in a hospital with other health problems. I was diagnosed with stomach ulcers.
When I was 24, I got married to a man from America. At 25, I moved to Atlanta, GA. My life turned into a nightmare as that man was constantly abusing me. 

Eventually, on 4/9/2009 police took me away and placed me in a shelter for victims of domestic violence. I was homeless, hopeless, and helpless, in a foreign country, without speaking the language.
[wsbtv story here]
In the shelter, I began experiencing rectal bleeding which continued for months. At the time, I was on food stamps, had a free cell phone paid by the government, and I had free health insurance through the Grady Hospital.
They spent a while trying to figure out if I had cancer but the rectal bleeding was caused by stress from domestic violence.
In 2016, I married a kind-hearted, Bible-believing, seminary graduate (according to his words) Christian man who treated me with love and care. That was while we were dating.
As I walked down the aisle on 5/14/2016, there stood Michel, the man I loved and adored! He had the tears of happiness in his eyes. Michel declared his genuine love for me to the world that day.
My wedding with Michel was very happy and memorable. I became “Missis Szabo” and looked forward with a hopeful heart to spending the rest of my life with the man I loved and saw as Christ-like.
[wedding video]
After the wedding, Michel abandoned our marriage and declared to me: “My bicycle is my other wife I cheat on you with.” He said that he wasn’t interested in me and that all he wanted was to be an IronMan and complete in Kona.
We never made it to even a honeymoon. Instead, right after our wedding, we went to Chattanooga, TN for an IronMan competition.
[picture of us there from IG]
Michel rejected me not only verbally and with his daily actions, but sexually, too, stating that he needed to save his body for IronMan training.
Michel threatened me regularly promising that he will do something really bad to me like he did to his sister. He masterfully gaslighted me and also exercised projection of his faults on me so I felt guilty for his actions. Michel filed for divorce twice in our first eight months of marriage. I felt disoriented, devastated, and depressed. I was crippled by suicidal thoughts from confusion and hopelessness.
[suicide poem video here]
Severely stressful life, negligence from my early caregivers, physical and mental injuries, never-ending abuse, domestic violence, addictions, smoking, drinking, sleeping around, two sexual assaults, two suicide attempts, lack of role models and wise parenting growing up, marriages with cruel men, and a host of other traumatic experiences led to the development of obsessive compulsive disorder (OCD), complex post-traumatic stress disorder (C-PTSD), depression, and multiple chronic illnesses.
The breakthrough point when I was unhealthyI remember sitting in a women’s Bible study at Perimeter Church, and it was the story about the “bleeding woman.”
“A woman in the crowd had suffered for twelve years with constant bleeding, and she could find no cure. Coming up behind Jesus, she touched the fringe of his robe. Immediately, the bleeding stopped.”‭‭Luke‬ ‭8:43-44‬ ‭NLT‬‬http://bible.com/116/luk.8.43-44.nlt
The Bible study was in a large room. All women were divided into small groups of a few and sat around round tables.
A woman at my table asked the speaker, Laura Story: “Was the “bleeding woman” healed immediately after she touched Jesus or did her healing take some time?”
That woman’s question shook my brain. I knew that the bleeding woman was healed immediately in the spiritual realm. I started thinking how this was applicable to me.
Trusting that the Bible is God-breathed word, I believed that whatever blessings Jesus made available to those people He healed back then were also available to me now. I knew that while I couldn’t touch Jesus’ robe, Jesus Himself is always with me and I have His power through the Holy Spirit.
I had a breakthrough: if I also reached out for Jesus, I could be healed immediately.
Jesus healed the woman according to her faith. If I believed, if my faith was strong, big, deep, and wide enough, Jesus could heal me according to my faith as well.
““Who touched me?” Jesus asked. Everyone denied it, and Peter said, “Master, this whole crowd is pressing up against you.” But Jesus said, “Someone deliberately touched me, for I felt healing power go out from me.” When the woman realized that she could not stay hidden, she began to tremble and fell to her knees in front of him. The whole crowd heard her explain why she had touched him and that she had been immediately healed. “Daughter,” he said to her, “your faith has made you well. Go in peace.””‭‭Luke‬ ‭8:45-48‬ ‭NLT‬‬http://bible.com/116/luk.8.45-48.nlt
I decided to grow my faith.How God restored my physical health
I began looking back at my life and seeing everything God delivered me from. My faith grew and compounded as I kept recalling the things I shared with you here. I made the decision to accept good health and the healing power of Jesus. Then, I took massive action.
I began walking 10000 steps a day. Additionally, I started a daily workout that consisted of 100 abs, 100 arms, 100 squats, 3 minutes of hola hoop, and a plank. I became a plant-based vegan, stopped eating animal products, and started eating ancient grains, veggies, fruits, nuts, seeds, and legumes. 

[results of being vegan video]
I bought a kayak and started getting on the river. And for the first time, I decided to go under water and fight my fears caused by the experience of drowning . At first, it was tough. I was scared, I didn’t know how to hold my breath under water properly. My body had no balance. I had no strengthl.
[early underwater video]
Slowly, I built my strength and muscles, I learned to balance my body and overcome my fears, I got comfortable with the water, I increased my level of energy, and I stopped having any illnesses at all.

Today, I exercise daily, eat a lot of kale, beans, lentils, chickpeas, seeds, nuts, spinach, beets, sweet potatoes, and other organic produce. I have a homemade green smoothie every morning. I feel really great and I love the feeling!
[my shopping cart here]

I’m active, strong, healthy, balanced, mobile, and energized. Jesus healed me according to my faith when I decided to believe that He could.
[ig video underwater handstand 30 sec]
In my bedroom, I have a wall decal that I see the moment I wake up. It’s a Bible verse that says: “I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me.”
[wall decal picture here]
In my new home, I was able to install a heavy mirror in the entrance hallway, shelves, LED lights everywhere, under-cabinets lighting, but the most mind-blowing project was installing the 160” patio curtain rod attached to the ceiling – all by myself! I completed all those handyman projects with my $7 IKEA drill and my strong faith in Jesus.
[pictures of my home here]
After Christ restored my physical health, I was checked by an army of doctors. I’m completely healthy. I have no issues with my ovaries or tubes. I have no fungus anywhere. My neck and spine are mobile and strong. My blood results show that my internal health is supreme. I’m energized, enthusiastic, balanced, and strong.
[bosu ball Wonder Woman video]
I have no rectal bleeding. I have no stomach or sinus problems. I live a celibate life. I have peace and joy.
Jesus healed me according to my faith. 

[orange swimsuit picture – joy and health]
How God restored my mental health 

My depression is gone. I love life and regularly meditate on what I love about it.
[gratitude poem blue dress video]
I don’t drink. I don’t smoke. I have no addictions. I run for comfort to God, not alcohol or food or sex. And He helps me every time.
When I feel anxiety, I cast it on God through prayer and I switch my focus from worldly troubles to eternity with Christ.
My OCD and C-PTSD are present but I’m using effective tools to cope, such as meditation, journaling, daily walks outside, reading, and deep breathing.
Refusing to take any drugs, I maintain my mental health through healthy daily habits. I’ve learned that we first build our habits and then our habits build us.
[30 self care habits video]
SELF-CARE HABITS I PRACTICE:

  1. Wake up, smile, and make the bed
  2. Drink a full glass of water with lemon
  3. Visualize a great day ahead
  4. Write down what you’re grateful for
  5. Work out while repeating affirmations

“We first make our habits, and then our habits make us.” – John Dryden
Smiling when I first wake up sets my attitude for the day and keeps me in control of my emotional state instead of letting my emotions control my day.
Making the bed helps me feel accomplished first thing in the morning and tells my brain that it’s time to get going with my beautiful day. Sleepy time is over and it’s time to be productive. In the evening, unmaking the bed tells my brain that productive time is over and it’s time for a goodnight sleep.
Drinking water with lemon first thing in the morning pushes the start button on my digestive system, hydrates my brain and body, and helps me poop, which is the key to healthy weight, glowing skin, and cancer prevention.
Gratitude sets my mental focus on what works in life. It ensures the overflow of joy. It’s the secret of felicity and fortitude.
Working out in the morning helps take care of my body, build muscle, improve mobility, and generate energy. Active motion promotes positive emotion!
[100 squats video]Living a healthy life of wellness and joy
My morning routine has been the key to my strong mental and physical health. I also take a cold shower every morning, even in the winter. It makes me laugh and switches my brain on quickly so I can be productive.
In addition to exercise, I prioritize journaling, reading, and writing. 

Journaling helps me gain clarity of mind and process my thinking. Reading helps me learn and grow because I apply the wisdom from good books to my daily life. Writing is how I capture what God speaks into my life. It’s also how I share my ideas.

Sleep is another critical component of maintaining my mental health. I go to bed early and wake up early. My bedtime routine includes no blue light exposure, a cup of hot green tea with honey, a warm shower, unmaking of my bed, and a heart-to-heart conversation with God as I reflect back on all the happenings of that day.
And finally, here’s something I learned I must maintain no matter what: a clean and organized living environment. When floors are dirty, spider web is everywhere, mold is taking over, rugs are staffed with hair and dirt, laundry piling up, dirty dishes are taking over the kitchen,, and furniture is covered in dust, I can’t be healthy. It’s simply impossible. If I can’t find the things I need quickly, I waste my precious mental energy on looking and trying to remember where those things may be. That’s not how I want to allocate my brain power.
To avoid clutter, dust, mold, bugs, and misplaced things, I keep my home organized and clean. I minimized the destructions in my environment. I created dedicated space for everything I need to have and I got rid of all other things. My home promotes relaxation. I view my home as a sanctuary where peace reigns.
[my home pictures]

I live a healthy life enjoying my healthy body, mind, home, and relationships.I am healed according to my faith

Praying to Jesus for healing and reaching out for His power did not rid me of my every affliction instantly. It took some time in the natural. But in the spiritual realm, I was healed instantly because I believed.
1 John‬ ‭3:1‬ says this:“See what great love the Father has lavished on us, that we should be called children of God! And that is what we are!”‭‭Believing that I’m a child of God, standing of God’s promises, and growing my faith were the fundamentals of becoming healthy for me. 

[gods promises poem video]
I had to accept where I was to get to where I wanted to be. Here are the three lessons I learned.
The 3 Secrets of Getting Healed by Jesus:
1. Accepting my affliction produced as many miracles in my life as when Jesus healed the “bleeding woman”
2. Accepting my need for Jesus in my affliction has helped my faith grow, which activated the healing power of Christ.

  1. Accepting that faith is a journey and a process and there’s purpose for everything in life has helped my anxieties reduce in frequency and intensity, it’s helped my dark long season of depression end, and my suicidal thoughts don’t have a strong hold on me anymore. I understand and have compassion for my C-PTSD and OCD and because of it, I don’t deny having those two afflictions. I don’t resist their effects on me, I simply diminish their influence by applying my growing faith in Jesus.

Isaiah 53:5 says this:
“But he was pierced for our transgressions, he was crushed for our iniquities; the punishment that brought us peace was on him, and by his wounds we are healed.”

I take it to heart. Jesus suffered and died for me. I don’t have to suffer unnecessarily. I believe in Christ. I believe in His resurrection. I believe in His power over my afflictions. I accept His healing power.
I may have afflictions from which I must learn and then help others, but I don’t need to create more suffering in my affliction. My growing faith is also improving my health one day at a time.
What I’ve learned on my healing journey:
I am being healed.It’s a process.My faith is growing and increasing.
The stronger the faith, the more healing it brings.My suffering is decreasing as I lean on God and not on my own understanding.
Psalm 103:2-5 says this:
“Bless the Lord, o my soul, and forget not all his benefits, who forgives all your iniquity, who heals all your diseases, who redeems your life from the pit, who crowns you with steadfast love and mercy, who satisfies you with good.”
I had a hard time seeing my afflictions as good. But I decided to trust God and started learning Hid lessons in my suffering, and He started healing my suffering.
I had to focus on God’s commands and not on my fears. His commands to me are to trust Him and to not lean on my own understanding, to pray without ceasing, and to be thankful.

Acts of the Apostles‬ ‭20:24‬ say this:“But my life is worth nothing to me unless I use it for finishing the work assigned me by the Lord Jesus – the work of telling others the Good News about the wonderful grace of God.”
Being committed to the faith journey makes healing possible. Extracting the lessons of God’s grace and goodness while still in my affliction and sharing those with others helped my faith grow and my healing to take place.

I trust God for healing. I believe that Jesus heals me according to my faith.
Can you trust God in your afflictions?
Can you accept your health in its current state and decide to trust Jesus? Can you commit to growing your faith IN your affliction WHILE it’s being healed by God? 

Are you ready to allow your faith determine your daily priorities and redeem you from distractions as you focus on your health and healing?
If so, memorize the Biblical affirmation below and practice it often while working out and cooking healthy meals to remember that you are healed by Jesus according to your faith:
I am healed
I am healed by the Lord,And my life is redeemed from destructions.I am healthy and whole,Following His commands and instructions.

How does it make you feel to know that you are healed by God according to your faith in Jesus? Share with me in the comments below so I can cheer you on.
If this devotional was helpful, download all #52Devotionals now.

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