I am Grateful - Daily Devotionals for Women by Anna Szabo of Online Discipleship for Women

Have you ever had a gratitude journal? Feeling grateful intentionally and writing about your gratitude is transformational! Pondering your thanksgiving fuels you with joy, hope, faith, enthusiasm, and excitement about your future. A thanksgiving journal helps you formulate your thoughts, gain clarity of mind, maintain a positive perspective on your daily life, lower your stress level, and even save your life. Practicing gratitude saved my life. “I am grateful” Biblical devotional and affirmation will share my story to encourage you to start giving thanks on a daily basis. This one habit improved my quality of life, mental health, physical wellbeing, social relationships, and productivity.

I am Grateful #52Devotionals Devotions for Women  by Anna Szabo

Introduction

I am writing this Biblical devotional in December of 2020. I’m 37 years old, the healthiest I’ve ever been in my entire life, enjoying high levels of energy, excellent sleep, disease-free and medication-free existence, and the outpouring of creativity, which helps me thrive. I attribute my life satisfaction, as well as my mental focus and performance productivity, to my daily habit of gratitude.

I have a gratitude jar, which is also known as the “cookie jar,” where I keep my “cookies,” which are gratitude notes. I don’t actually eat real cookies. Every day, I write on a little notepad, date my thanksgiving note, fold it, and put it into my jar. I also have an electronic thanksgiving journal on YouTube, on my podcast, on my Christian blog for women, and in my iPhone notes. In addition to that, I have long, multi-bullet gratitude letters to God stored in my journals. Finally, I write gratitude poetry, too. So, why is gratitude important?

Gratitude saved me from suicide.

My Suicidal Depression

In 2016, I was depressed and severely suicidal. I was under the care of two counseling professionals: a trauma counsel to help me cope with narcissistic relationship abuse in my marriage and Biblical counsel to help me stand strong in the Lord as I was battling spiritual warfare. I was in a very dark place – mentally, spiritually, emotionally, and physically – from all the mental cruelty I was enduring. I felt completely devastated and actually disoriented in life overall.

Trust in the Lord with all your heart

    and lean not on your own understanding;

in all your ways submit to him,

    and he will make your paths straight.

Proverbs 3:5-6

Honestly, I had a hard time trusting God. I was struggling to maintain my hope and faith. I couldn’t see how my path could possibly be straightened because I lived in a land of hopelessness and despair. I felt that God failed me because my husband failed me. Deep in my heart, I believed that God was not supposed to allow narcissistic abuse in my relationship with my husband. Here’s the truth…

God asked me to trust in the Lord and lean not on my own understanding. But the reality was that I tried to lean on my own understanding. I tried to connect all the dots of my miserable married life and get all the answers as to why, after four months of marriage, my Christian husband was filing for divorce, declaring that his IronMan bicycle was his wife and he didn’t want to be married to me anymore.

My marriage situation was described in great detail in essays called “IronMan vs Marriage” and “How Satan Came at Me Looking Saint.” I wanted to get answers to all of my questions and I wanted to understand everything completely.

Logic leaves no room for faith.

…rooted and built up in him, strengthened in the faith as you were taught, and overflowing with thankfulness.

Colossians 2:7

“Strengthened in the faith?” I was trying to get strong applying intellect and logic to my marriage situation. Nothing made sense. But how could I have faith if I didn’t trust God? I was confused.

Confusion led to depression.

Depression resulted in suicidal ideation.

Instead of overflowing with thankfulness, I was overflowing with confusion and anxiety. I was anxious about every aspect of my life. Everything was a problem. There was drama everywhere I looked. I felt exhausted and sick. I was living with a husband who was inflicting mental cruelty on me, overspending my paycheck, giving the keys to our marital residence to strangers, threatening me at home regularly, filing for divorces every few weeks and forcing me to pay attorney fees, talking to neighbors about selling the house we lived in behind my back, and calling his IronMan bicycle “my other wife I cheat on you with.” The list goes on, and I wrote about the impact of the narcissist’s crazy haze in my essay called “My Story of Narcissistic Abuse Relationship.”

I was anxious about everything.

And I felt confused. 

Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God.

Philippians 4:6

… with thanksgiving?! For what?! For this kind of marriage?!!! Um… I don’t think so! That was my attitude toward God. I felt entitled to a good marriage. I didn’t feel there was anything for me to be grateful for. I actually wrote God an angry letter, in which I told Him what I thought about what was happening in my marriage. I told God that I hated Him. I’m honest with you, always, on this blog. This is not the kind of blog where I pretend to be a perfect Christian who has everything figured out. No. I struggled with God a lot, and I wrote Him letters. I also wrote an interesting essay called “God is good. Or is He?”

I soon realized that my anxiety-filled journaling habit was only perpetuating my suicidal depression.

I felt trapped.

Attitude of Gratitude

As you can see, I had an attitude of entitlement in my relationship with God. But what I truly needed was an attitude of gratitude. I had to learn how to give thanks in the midst of total misery, failed promises, unmet expectations, painful betrayal, cruel abuse, tormenting rejection, and unbearable lasting adversity.

… whatever you do, whether in word or deed, do it all in the name of the Lord Jesus, giving thanks to God the Father through him.

Colossians 3:17

What would it look like if I decided to journal “in the name of the Lord Jesus, giving thanks to God the Father?” I decided to give it a try. Do you think it was hard to come up with things to be grateful for in my situation? You bet! It was a real struggle.

My gratitude journal remained blank as I was starring at it. Previously, I actually wrote in my other journal “my life sucks and it sucks to be me.” Now, I was searching the depths of my heart and mind for something to be grateful for, and it wasn’t easy. 

When I set my mind on gratitude, once ideas started flowing, there were very few of them at first. And then there were more ideas. Soon, I had a full page of gratitude right in front of me! Another page. And the next one. And there I was, shortly after getting started and renewing my mind, I was now constantly dwelling on gratitude. Wow! I wrote a poem about the impact of this habit on my life.

"Gratitude" #PoemsFromGod

 Life is an incredible journey of growth and learning.
 Having realized it, I begin with gratitude every morning. 
 
 Giving thanks for all my blessings is very healing.
 This one habit changed completely the way I’m feeling. 
 
 The fear I used to experience was replaced with calmness.
 The anger I used to feel was replaced with warmness.
 
 The depression I was suffering from was replaced with joy
 As my mind to its full capacity I’ve learned to deploy. 
 
 When my mind is filled with gratitude, I can’t feel fear.
 Thoughts of gratitude prevent anxiety and keep my mind clear.
 
 Dwelling on my blessings leads me to experiencing genuine joy.
 Practicing gratitude every day, I can finally my life enjoy. 
 
 
 5/5/18 © Anna Szabo, JD, MBA

From Depression to Joy

The journey from depression to joy was not a long one. Once I trained my mind to thank God for everything around me, I began focusing my thoughts on little blessings. And I found them everywhere! You can see how I trained my mind. It’s revealed through my poetry where I share how much I appreciate and value my life, myself, my friends, my home, etc, regardless of external circumstances. 

Let me share with you some of my poems.

"My Life Is Such a Gift" 

My life is such a gift.
My life is such a blessing.
I'm grateful for each day,
Which I'm with joy professing.
 
I'm grateful for the peace,
I'm grateful that I'm healthy,
For joy that may not cease,
And being friendships-wealthy.
 
I'm grateful for abundance 
Of food and drinking water,
And clothing choices hundreds,
And being God's own daughter.
 
I'm grateful for each mentor
Who time invests and wisdom
To ground me and center
In Gospel and God's kingdom.
 
I'm grateful for awareness
Of who I am in Jesus
And for my journey's rareness.
To love it I have reasons.
 
My life is very special,
And I am special also -
I have a high potential,
With Scriptures armed, I know so.
 
9/14/17 © Anna Szabo, JD, MBA
"I Love My Life" 

Loving life is about appreciating the simple things.
I love dwelling on each blessing that a smile into my life brings:
Bedtime hot showers, cold morning showers, hula hooping, and trampoline,
Working out, sleeping well, eating clean, and staying fit and lean. 

I love Jesus, my friends, my mentors, and my ministry.
I love my neighbor Mary with whom I have special chemistry. 
I love fresh fruits and vegetables, legumes, all seeds, and nuts. 
I love helping people and being an activist when I have the guts. 

I love creating art, poetry, fairytales, and books.
I love makeup and bright dresses, and often changing my looks.
I love reading, eating, cooking, running, feasting, and fasting.
I love my friendships that are deep, authentic, compassionate, and long-lasting.

I love my life with God in it and I love myself as a child of God.
I’m not perfect. In fact, I am most definitely extremely flawed. 
My life isn’t perfect either but I’m grateful for each moment every day.
I get on my knees and in gratitude I wholeheartedly daily pray.

I thank God so much for my life, which I appreciate and truly love.
I lift my prayers up to God, dwelling on His grace and His heaven above. 
I love my life and I surrender it to Father every day.
With tears of joy and genuine thanksgiving, to God I wholeheartedly pray.      

9/26/2020 © Anna Szabo, JD, MBA
"I Am Excited" 

I am excited about my life.
My future is very bright and exciting.
Every day, to do my best I genuinely strive. 
Yet, I lean on God as my story He’s writing.

I’m excited to see how this story unfolds. 
I’m excited to give God all honor and glory.
With His right hand God me upholds
As He’s creating my exciting life story.

I am excited to be here today.
I am excited to have second chances. 
That’s why I wholeheartedly daily pray. 
God works for good all my circumstances!       

9/26/2020 © Anna Szabo, JD, MBA
"I Am Grateful" 

I am grateful for my life and God in it.
I am grateful for my friends and mentors
Who encourage me, support, and uplift
And speak life when pain my life enters. 

I am grateful for my health: both physical and mental.
I am grateful for my world and even country.
I am grateful for those people who aren’t judgmental
But who authentically share their hearts bluntly. 

I am grateful for each colorful fresh homemade salad.
I am grateful for delicious juicy fresh fruit. 
I am grateful to know I’m not illegitimate, I am valid:
As a child, I was blamed for being fatherless and felt misunderstood. 

I am grateful to know who I am and also whose.
I am grateful to understand who has made me. 
I am grateful that every day I can choose
To focus on God who loves me and not on those who betrayed me.

I am grateful for my home: safe and clean.
I am grateful for abundance of drinking water.
I am grateful for loving books instead of a TV screen.
I am grateful for the privilege of being God’s daughter.       

9/26/2020 © Anna Szabo, JD, MBA
"Life" 

Life isn’t black and white. It’s complicated;
Though dangerous idealistic ideals of happily-ever-after have been culturally curated and propagandistically to us communicated. 

It’s brainwashing. The actual truth is this: 
Sometimes, life rocks; sometimes, it sucks; sometimes, we want to kill ourselves or others, and other times, we have a bliss and want to kiss. 

Life is variety. It’s unpredictable. It’s hard.
My mother was bipolar: she’d pet me, then beat me, then say she hated me and loved me, then would devalue and discard... I had to always be on guard. 

Life is about both the saints and death row inmates.
There are serial killers, religious sex offers, authority-powered pedophiles, and cancer fakers who operate within their sick mental restraints, causing deaths yet filing pro-life appeals and complaints. 
 
There’s also God and His good plan.
There are bombing survivors and parents of killed children who advocating against death penalty began, insisting on prolonging their offenders’ lifespan so that the criminal himself change actually can.  

Life simultaneously is a blessing and a curse. 
It offers love and friendships, yet makes them complicated and adverse; then, there’s marriage and divorce; and even worse, there’s life without purpose, to which, of course, I‘m personally averse. 

Life offers growth, which comes with pain.
There’s our character, which we must train; we also must protect our main domain, which are our heart and brain; and again, the purpose of it all is for us to grow in faith and wisdom gain.

Life is a journey up and down, back and forth. 
I was hated, rejected, and abused from my birth, which skewed my identity and robbed me of my worth, but, through my healing journey, I realized my purpose here earth. 

Life is a gift from God. It’s very precious. 
On our journeys, we must grow stronger and more tenacious; become bold, courageous, and audacious; live in a way that is vivacious; and trust that God is always gracious.          

9/27/2020 © Anna Szabo, JD, MBA
"I Am Fully Alive" 

For many years, I lived my life detached.
My dreams and my reality mismatched.
I dreamed of being loved like other kids.
But unfulfilled, neglected were my needs. 

Abused, I was enduring cruel trauma. 
My life at home was filled with daily drama. 
To cope, I disconnected and detached.
Even to my own body I was not attached. 

Six years of healing - and I’m living fully! 
Enjoying life I’m deeply, greatly, truly...
I love my life, my health, my home, my friends...
Though with my past I’m still making amends.

I feel so much, so deeply, and so strongly! 
I easily cry when treated I am wrongly.
When I’m rejoicing, it is also deep.
When grieving, I intensely weep. 

I find true joy in spending time in nature. 
A simple hike for me is best adventure.
I get excited standing on my head.
Fully alive, I am no longer dead!

I find true pleasure in a simple salad.
That’s why I cherish cooking as my talent.
I love kayaking and observing beavers.
I value leisure time on nearby rivers. 

When I drink tea, my joy is felt intensely!
Each bite of food impacts my soul immensely! 
I‘m happily jumping on the trampoline!
I love to swim and read and cook and clean...

When talking to my friends, I love to listen.
I ask good questions and I watch them glisten.
All people matter very much to me.
I am alive and here I’m glad to be! 

When at the beach, I run barefoot for miles.
I talk with strangers, sharing cries and smiles...
I’m present when I’m writing, painting, driving...
Fully alive, today, I’m finally thriving!

Fully alive, I am engaged and present.
My interactions with reality are pleasant.
It’s not to say that life is unicorns and rainbows,
But I enjoy my life from all its angles! 

10/15/2020 © Anna Szabo, JD, MBA
"I Live Mindfully" 

I love living my life mindfully, which helps me experience deep joy and gratitude.
I love maintaining an eternal perspective, which sustains my strength and fortitude. 

I love my friends who are insightful and kind. We laugh and cry together.
I love kayaking when it’s sunny, running in the rain, and walking in any weather. 

I love playing on a playground or in a paddle with my neighbors’ kids.
I love eating steamed colorful beans and lentils and snack on raw nuts and seeds. 

I love watching for hours the ocean waves with my feet deep in the white sand.
I love snorkeling and reaching for the sea animals to touch them with my bare hand. 

I love reading in my bed with my feet up chilling on a mountain of white pillows. 
I love listening to the birds in the morning through my open bedroom windows. 

I love people-watching by the river, observing kayakers pass by waving "Hello!"
I love creating art, painting, blogging, writing poetry, and being in a state of flow.

I love eating colorful fruits and vegetables, all spread like a rainbow on a white plate.
I love journaling and reflecting on God’s many gracious miracles in my life to date. 

I love stretching my body, working out, and fasting to stay healthy, fit, and strong.
I love doing my own chores, and cleaning weekly is my good habit that’s lifelong. 

I love folding fresh warm laundry that is spotlessly clean and smells so amazing.
I love sitting by the fireplace, surrounded by candles, wholeheartedly God praising. 

I love living mindfully without a TV, xboxes, and other brain-numbing distractions. 
I love sharing the Gospel telling people about God’s forgiveness of past actions. 

I love exploring the world around me by regularly taking new solo road trips.
I love the adventure of traveling in time by reading and discovering helpful life tips.

I love my home that’s clean, organized, peaceful, beautiful, unique, and serene. 
I love being here, doing simple things, and especially enjoying my own vegan cuisine.

I love exercising with a hula hoop and on a BOSU ball, as well as on the trampoline.
I love fasting from food and water for days to maintain great health and hygiene.

I love doing my own mani and pedi at home, which is always highly meditative.
I love quiet solitude and silence, which help me genuinely relax and get creative. 

I love so many things about life! Knowing this helps me through adversity persevere.
I love living mindfully, staying grounded, and keeping my life off busyness clear. 

10/17/2020 © Anna Szabo, JD, MBA
"I Love My Friends" 

I love my real-life actual human friends. 
I love spending with them quality time. 
No one being an outer persona pretends.
No one needs artificial rankings to climb.

It’s one of the reasons I quit social media.
I was able to objectively see its insanity.
It gives dopamine rush, often immediately 
Via artificial manipulation of our humanity.

My friends and I connect heart to heart. 
We cook, hike, kayak, and travel together.
Building genuine friendships is a type of art.
My real-life human friends I truly treasure. 

10/25/2020 © Anna Szabo, JD, MBA
"I Love My Real Life"

For ten years, I was on social media and maintained an outer, virtual, staged life.
To look good, to be acceptable, and to impress people I would constantly strive. 

One of the reasons I permanently deleted my social media is that my real life I love.
To live mindfully, authentically, and genuinely now, I’m going beyond and above. 

I pay attention to what brings me joy, that’s why I wish only for my own life, not theirs.
It’s my responsibility to fill my life with whatever gives me peace, no one else cares. 

I love jumping in the car and going to whichever beach I choose in that moment.
I love being social media free, not caring who and how on my life might ever comment. 

I love grabbing my kayak and going to the river which is right outside my front door.
I love eating colorful fruits and vegetables, as well as seeds and all the nuts I so adore. 

I love walking for many miles up and down the hills with a friend sharing our hearts.  
I love running barefoot on the white-sand beach right when the sunny day starts. 

I love helping women, encouraging them to persevere with faith and fortitude. 
I love exercising every day, which calms my C-PTSD and improves my attitude. 

I love my bright, clean, peaceful, and organized home where I can recharge.
I love having a sense of agency over my own life and knowing that I am in charge. 

I love sleeping in my huge California king size beautiful and comfortable bed alone.
I love my real life with God, living with purpose, knowing that to Jesus I belong. 

10/25/2020 © Anna Szabo, JD, MBA
"I Love Solitude" 

I love eating in solitude at restaurants and at home. 
Sometimes new places in search of good food I roam.
I love running, walking, kayaking, and doing yoga alone.
Practicing solitude, over the last three years, I’ve really grown. 

Solitude allows me to get silent and figure out what I like:
To hula hoop, to jump on the trampoline, to hike,
To cook, to meditate, to journal, to blog, to write poetry, to read...
That’s why solitude every day, like fresh air, I desperately need.

I love solitude. I enjoy my own company quite a lot,
Though... that I was an extravert for years I thought...
It was because the luxury of solitude wasn’t available to me. 
Now, with solitude I’m comfortable and alone I love to be. 


10/31/2020 © Anna Szabo, JD, MBA

Indeed, my heart learned to overflow with gratitude, even during hard times, such as divorce, pandemic, and other difficult circumstances outside of my influence. Gratitude is within my control, that’s why I choose to practice it daily in so many different ways. God opened up my eyes to see His blessings all around me. I was able to get my life back, thanks to my gratitude journal and my habit of noticing and acknowledging God’s blessings everywhere.

The purpose of my life is to give God glory with my story. To trust Him, I needed to first notice His presence. Once I set my mind on God’s presence, I saw Him absolutely everywhere, and I noticed His blessings. I wrote a poem called “God’s Presence Everywhere.”

"God's Presence Everywhere" 
 
 God, I see your presence everywhere.
 To hear your voice for me is not at all rare.
 Once I finally quit being worldly and blind,
 Now, in everything your glory I can find.
 
 Anywhere I look, there you are!
 In my suffering, you count my every scar.
 My pain you turn from dust into beauty
 As I follow your calling and fulfill my duty.
 
 God, I don’t need any special presents.
 All I want is to continue being in your presence.
 I love leaning on you and having you near.
 To my heart, your presence is very dear. 
 
  11/26/17 © Anna Szabo, JD, MBA 

“I Am Grateful” Affirmation

Gratitude transformed my attitude. Journaling about my grateful thoughts saved my life. I’m grateful, and I trust in the Lord with all my heart. I’m grateful that you’re reading this devotional, and I trust that the Lord had led you here for His divine reason. If you desire to feel gratitude intentionally and consistently and want to experience closeness with God every day regardless of external circumstances, memorize the Biblical affirmation I created for you below.

I am Grateful #52Devotionals 

The purpose of my life is to glorify God. 
I express my gratitude with kind words and deeds. 
For His gifts I’m grateful. Him to praise I ought. 
God loves me, and I know that my path He leads.

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