I am a Difference Maker - Daily Devotional for Women by Anna Szabo of Online Discipleship for Women

Have you ever thought about the purpose of your life? Why are you here? What’s the ultimate goal of your existence?

“Whoever Brings Blessing Will be Enriched” Proverbs 11:25

Bless Online Discipleship For Women

 

PURSUING HAPPINESS 

I thought for many years that the purpose of my life was to be happy. So, I tried hard to make myself happy, which resulted in a ton of debt, alcoholism, and sexual addiction. 

I was dead on the inside but I looked pretty happy on the outside. And I always looked so well put together! 

The kinds of topics as the ones we discuss on this website I never talked about. I only talked about happy things: travel, shopping, having fun, and sex. 

I so desperately pursued worldly happiness that I even paid to sit still for 22 hours while two women braided my hair with colorful braids.

The most important thing you need to know is that the braids were glowing every time I walked into a night club. 

I was very happy! 

For about 5 weeks. Until my scalp started bleeding from 273 braids that weighed about 3.5 kg! I was in Russia at the time. And I looked for happiness everywhere.

I then thought if I could get rid of my cellulite I’d be so happy! So, I took 120 shots in my butt and I experienced happiness seeing the  positive difference in my body.

For about 3 weeks. Until the shots lost their power and my cellulite returned. 

Pursuing earthly happiness is a very empty goal. It’s not fulfilling. It’s also subjective. Happiness is temporary.

I remember my mom’s teachings on how I’ll be happy if I learn to orgasm, preferably multiple times at once. 

Since I was 16 years old, I was able to experience multiple orgasms. And that made me happy. My mom was right. 

That happiness lasted for about 5–10  minutes. And then, I was empty again. 

Any time I was sad or hurt, my mom offered me a drink. We’d get drunk and sing songs, which made me so happy. And then I’d wake up with a hangover, sick, empty, and with my emotional pain still there.

When I discovered shopping, I became unstoppably happy. The only condition for my happiness was that I’m at the mall buying stuff. If the purse matched the shoes, I was so happy! If the bra gave me a push, I was ecstatic. 

New dresses, new pants, new boots and handbags, and let’s make them all custom-tailored or hand-made! And add fur to everything! Yes! So so happy! 

Until there was no more room in my closet and I had no space for stuff. And every time I wore a thing, it became old in my mind and unattractive. 

And I wasn’t happy anymore. 

I remember living in Russia, being an honor student at two schools simultaneously: a business school and a law school. I lived my life the way I just described to you and then I met an American Prince Charming online! 

The Prince flew to Kursk, Russia. We met and started traveling together since I had a few years to wait for my graduations from two schools. 

We travelled to Saint Petersburg, Russia. We stayed at the expensive Astoria Hotel. It was high-end, beautiful, and so fairy-taily. There, Prince Charming proposed to me, and I said yes.

I was so happy. 

We then traveled to Bali and stayed at the gorgeous Bali Intercontinental. The ocean-view was breath-taking. The service was high-end. The unlimited alcoholic beverages were delicious. The shopping was fun. The sex was good. The elephant safari and the breakfast with orangoutangs were exciting experiences. 

I was happy. 

And then I returned to school and we planned our next trip. I was happy in anticipation of more happiness. 

We then traveled to Jamaica and stayed at the gorgeous Sandals White House. The ocean-view was breath-taking. The service was high-end. The unlimited alcoholic beverages were delicious. The shopping was fun. The sex was good. The sailing and the JetSki were exciting experiences. 

I was happy. 

And then I returned to school and we planned our next trip. I was happy in anticipation of more happiness. 

We then traveled to Barbados and stayed at the gorgeous The House hotel with only 35 rooms. The ocean-view was breath-taking. The service was high-end. The unlimited alcoholic beverages were delicious. The shopping was fun. The sex was good. The snorkeling and the tubing were exciting experiences. 

But I was unhappy. 

It was like the famous Groundhog Day movie.

Fun and high-end and exciting experiences were happening over and over again. I could predict how I’d feel and what would happen next. And I felt bored and numb. 

I was unhappy. 

So, if happiness was such an empty pursuit, what was then the purpose of my life? 

I discovered the truth only 10 years later. 

GLORIFYING GOD

I remember sitting on the beach in Bali, sipping on my drink, staring at the Indian Ocean and top-less women around… and thinking: what’s the meaning of it all? 

In the next 10 years after asking myself about my life’s purpose, I got married and divorced three times. 

I received help for my sexual addiction. I ditched drinking. I got my compulsive shopping under control. 

I graduated with high honors from my business school with a BBA and from my law school with a Doctor’s in Criminal Justice. 

I moved to America. Taught myself English. Published my first book. Became an award-winning author. Graduated from GA State University with an MBA. 

I met Jesus and got baptized in front of 3000 people after I gave my life to Him. 

Jeremiah 1:5 says this:

“I knew you before I formed you in your mother’s womb. Before you were born I set you apart and appointed you as my prophet to the nations.”

Prophet to the nations? What?

How can I be a prophet to the nations when I’m so sinful and broken? And lost! 

Ephesians 2:10 says this:

“For we are God’s handiwork, created in Christ Jesus to do good works, which God prepared in advance for us to do.”

Wait! What?!

God made me like this? And all my suffering and afflictions have purpose? 

I was made in God’s image? Really? 

And what’s that thing about good works? And being a prophet???

I had an epiphany! 

Philippians 2:10 brought it all together in my mind and I finally knew the purpose of my life:

“That at the name of Jesus every knee should bow, in heaven and on earth and under the earth, and every tongue acknowledge that Jesus Christ is Lord, to the glory of God the Father.”

The purpose of my life is to be a disciple of Jesus and give glory to God!

God created me and knew my path before I was even born. He gave me all those experiences so I know what it’s like to live without Him. 

He then brought me to Jesus and saved me and gave me a new heart. And I got to know what it’s like to live with the good news in my heart. 

God set me apart to be a prophet to the nations and share the Gospel to glorify Him. 

And that is the very “good works God prepared in advance” for me to do. 

I am here to make a difference. I’m a difference-maker!

Having clarity on the purpose of my life, I experienced joy. And I was no longer dead on the inside. I came to life. 

I was finally alive and full of joy, no hair extensions needed, no shots in my butt, and even my cellulite can’t take that deep joy away from me. 

Finally, I became comfortable with my imperfections, vulnerabilities, insecurities, and my past. 

Now, I can talk about the topics of my afflictions and failures and my suicidal depression and anxiety and other aspects of my humanity. And all that brings glory to God and joy to me. 

Joy is so much more than happiness! 

Joy comes from the Lord. God’s joy is long-lasting. His joy is transformational. 

God’s joy changed me, my character, my habits, my lifestyle, and my future.

STEPPING INTO YOUR PURPOSE 

What is the purpose of your life? 

If you gave your life to Jesus and are following Him as His disciple, God set you apart as a prophet to the nations so you can share the Gospel. 

It’s the good works He prepared in advance for you to do in order to glorify Him. 

In other words, you are here to make a difference. You are a difference-maker!

If you believe, memorize the Biblical affirmation below and practice it daily to remember the purpose of your life.

I am a difference-maker

I was put on Earth to make a difference.

My contribution matters to the world.

Serving and glorifying God is my interest,

Because Jesus me with His life served. 

What action will you take now when you’re clear on the purpose of your life? Let me know in the comments below. 

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