Conversations With God - How To Talk to God - by Anna Szabo of Online Discipleship for Women

Your life is full of the unknown, the unexpected, and the uncontrollable. 

“Whoever Brings Blessing Will be Enriched” Proverbs 11:25

Bless Online Discipleship For Women


You face some days when there’s no answers, no light, and no way forward. Who can help? Whom can you talk to? Who will listen and actually care? Who will comfort you during difficult seasons of life?

Your Heavenly Father. God who cares about the matters of your life – big or small, He wants to know it all. He wants to be in a personal relationship with you. He wants you to talk to Him about everything.

Psalm 55:22 says “Cast your cares on the Lord, and He will sustain you; He will never let the righteous be shaken.” What does it mean for us as Christians to be “shaken” and how does God help us?

I experienced being shaken for good since I got married last year, on May 14th, 2016 and my husband abandoned the marriage and filed for a divorce 4 months later. 

I was disoriented in my thought life, devastated, depressed, and very confused. I shared my story with you in podcast #1. You can also read details at annaszabo.com/about

I know you experience feelings of hopelessness, too. And sadness. Depression. Confusion. I know you also feel desperate at times.

This episode is about those moments. What do you do? Who can hear you and heal your pain? 

God. Only God.

1 Peter 5:7 says “Cast all your anxiety on him because he cares for you.” 

Let me tell you, I moved away from everything I knew in the city last year, to be with Michel after our wedding. We lived in the country, where I didn’t know people, were I was abandoned by my husband, and was completely alone. 

As Michel was absent, negligent toward me, and called his bicycle “My Other Wife I Cheat On You With,” I casted all my anxieties on Michel.

He spent all our money on his IronMan endeavours. He rejected me in every way possible, including sexually. I was angry and resentful, so I raged at him. 

And you know what? It didn’t help me a bit to cast my cares on Michel, but it did make things worse between me and God. 

And when I say “worse,” I mean how I felt about myself showing up in the world as a daughter of God, and how that impacted my relationship with my Heavenly Father. 

So, a few weeks after our wedding, I started a journal where I spoke to God openly, vulnerably, being upfront about my feelings and needs, my fears and doubts, my joy and pleasure, which were not that many.

The weekend of June 25th, 2016 Michel and I spent some time together. If you don’t remember from the 1st podcast episode, I actually moved into an unfinished construction and had 2 back injuries, with no husband around and boxes everywhere. 

Michel mostly rejected me sexually saying he wanted to save his energy for his IronMan training, so when rare lovemaking experiences did happen, I talked to God about those as well.

Whatever you are going through right now, start wherever you are. Start calling Him by His name: God, Father, Abba, and just talk your heart out. Just tell Him everything.

Conversations With God – Journal Entry 1.

I am about to share with YOU some of my most intimate thoughts and feelings – I am about to read to you my exact journal excerpts. Why? Because I believe this will help you get started if you’re really interested in how to talk to God, how to have real-life conversations with God. 

All my journals were subpoenaed by Michel’s attorney and were used in our divorce jury trial this year. It was humiliating and my privacy was violated but you know what all my journals are? You want to know?

Conversations with God. That’s all.

I will not share the names of any people, so when you hear me skipping through, it’s because the content of my journal there is about other people. 

This podcast is recorded live, it’s unedited, raw, no pretence. 

If I start crying or can’t speak from grief, give me a moment here. 

But here’s the first example of how to talk to God if you want to start speaking to your Heavenly Father today. 

If you’d like me to share my handwritten journal entry, go to annaszabo.com/conversations and ask me in the comment box there and I will scan them and post there for you. Or you can ask me here, just post a comment in show notes. 

Reading from “Serenity Journal” – entry from June 27th, 2016. 

You can cast your cares on God my talking to Him in writing, or having a conversation with Him in your car, or singing to Him about your feelings, or using art. You can write poetry to God or about God. You can write Him and angry letter. God created you, He can handle your emotions. He wants to be in a relationship with you. Relationships require spending time together. Find your own way to spend time with God. And make it a habit. Put it on the calendar like a date.  

You just have to be completely honest with God. 

How To Talk To God – Journal Entry 2. 

Here’s my honest note from Monday, August 15th, 2016. Again, if you’d like to have my handwritten journal entry, go to annaszabo.com/conversations and ask me in the comment box there.

Reading from “Serenity Journal” – entry from August 15th, 2016. 

…and that’s pretty much all. I just told God that Michel asked me to move out of our marital home after a few weeks of marriage… I cried.

When Michel went to Canada to do just another IronMan, I went to the beach to clear my head. I drove from GA to FL and listened to marriage podcasts. 

I felt that we just had everything against us – our childhood traumas, neither of us had a real mother or father, we were previously already divorced, I just felt hopeless and I cried the entire time, recording my conversations with God on an iPhone voice recorder just to process my pain and regain my clarity back. 

There, on the beach, I journaled and journaled. I experienced sorrow for my marriage, compassion for Michel striving to prove his identity as an IronMan, for all the pain we caused each other, and I felt so much love toward Michel, and so much sadness for what I myself was enduring from him.  

I talked to God sharing him much I want to love Michel with love being a verb in the ways that would be meaningful to him. 

I shared with God how I wanted to be a good wife. How I wanted to be kind toward this human being in my life who was hurting me because he himself was also hurt in the past by someone else.

I wrote out the ways in which I recognized I hurt Michel and also how I was hurt by him in every way and how I felt about his cruel actions toward me every day. I only shared that with God. 

After we returned home, Michel was nice for a couple of days, which melted my heart and I started a new journal called “Happiness Journal.” On August 24th, 2016 I talked to God with specific requests. 

Talking To God – Journal Entry 3.

Reading from “Happiness Journal” – entry from August 24th, 2016.

On August 28th, 2016 I discovered that our mortgage was 3 months unpaid, electric bill, life insurance – all unpaid, while the paychecks I was depositing into our joint checking account were also gone, on bicycle repairs and IronMan activities. 

I asked Michel to talk about money. He got very resentful and pretty much stopped even talking to me or acknowledging me after that day.

Conversation With God – Journal Entry 4.

One thing I want you to know as you get started on your own conversations with God – you will not be consistent. God is not looking for your consistency. He wants your honesty. 

And you may ask: well doesn’t He already know my heart and all those events in my life? Yes, but He wants you to ask for help, to talk to Him, to reach out and acknowledge how much you need Him. 

Asking for help is hard. It requires vulnerability and a close look at ourselves. It requires us to say: “God, I need you. Help me.”

Philippians 4:6-7 says “Be anxious for nothing, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God. And the peace of God, which surpasses all comprehension, will guard your hearts and minds in Christ Jesus.”

And that’s why you’d want to share with God by talking to Him: to ask for help and to be comforted with peace. 

James 1:5  says “…but if any of you lacks wisdom, let him ask of God, who gives to all generously” so asking God for help brings us wisdom.

And you might be listening to this episode thinking to yourself: girl, what are you talking about? God didn’t save your marriage, how was this even helpful? 

You’re right, Michel and I had a divorce jury trial a few weeks ago and we are now divorced. But this entire journey was for me to gain that wisdom we just mentioned. 

I needed to learn to be wise in whom I’m casting my anxieties on and I needed to learn how to love unconditionally. 

I didn’t need to curse at Michel. I needed to be on my knees praying to God. But I was so confused and devastated. I didn’t talk to God at first. I didn’t seek wisdom from Him. I was angry from all the rejection and cruelty at home. I was just angry and unwise. I needed to learn God’s wisdom.

That’s why now I am investing time and money into producing this podcast – to share with you what I learned. I want you to talk to God about your life. And be honest. And ask for help. God is there for you.

So here’s what I said in my journal after the troublesome moneytalk in August last year.

Reading from “Happiness Journal” – entry from August 28th, 2016.

A month after that, when Michel went to just another IronMan competition in Chattanooga, TN, a process server served me with divorce summons at a Christian conference Harvest I was attending with friends. You read the story on my website. I was very depressed.

That month, I started Biblical counseling and I talked to God every single day. I was mostly on my knees weeping, asking for discernment.

But before I move on, I want to share with you one of the conversations with God about my feelings toward Him, yes, God.

You see, on September 4th, 2016 Michel just took off and went to the Mountains with friends, informing me about his change of lifestyle. I was so hurt. I was treated by him as a worthless object, and I let him have it … I sent him a nasty text message series… 

And a few hours later I contacted a mother of a pastor of a small church I was attending at the time near our marital residence in Cumming, GA…. and here we were, at panera Bread where I was sharing everything with her and how much I hated being like that and saying all those mean things to Michel and just whom I was becoming under so much stress, rejection, and financial pressure.

Here’s what I told God in my conversation with Him after that meeting.

A Talk With God – Journal Entry 5.

Reading from “Happiness Journal” – entry from September 5th, 2016.

You can tell God how angry you are at Him. You are going through some serious trials in your life. You are hurt. You feel alone. He is still there waiting for you to run into His loving arms and cry for help.

God loves you wherever you are, even in your anger, bitterness, resentment, devastation, depression, or divorce.

Speaking of which… Michel asked me to reconcile in November and I said yes, and a few weeks later he filed for a divorce again.

On the other side of all this, I can tell you with confidence: if I did not talk to God every day, I don’t know what kind of toll my mental health would suffer from all Michel’s actions and just this overall experience.

This podcast episode has been VERY long. When I thought about sharing all this with you, I had doubts. It’s so personal to me… But then I realized: all of this was already shared with so many people after Michel’s attorney subpoenaed my journals… 

I am ok sharing this with you. I believe this can help you. You’re not alone going through your trials. God is there for you, carrying you through, and you might fight hard for something you believe you should have but God’s plan might be different, yet He still cares and He is weeping WITH you and FOR you. He might not be changing your circumstances to change YOU in those circumstances. 

That was my case.

I believed so much in my marriage as a covenant, that during these divorces with Michel, when my attorney went on a long vacation, I started a new journal called “A Case For Marriage” where I presented my evidence from the Bible to God Himself asking to save our marriage.

At the time, I had already moved out. I casted my cares on God daily. I didn’t see Michel or talk to Him for many months, but I continued to love him with all my heart and as our divorce trial was approaching, Michel’s Birthday was also approaching. Ne of my Christian friends said to me: “Maybe the reason why God brought you together is so you can be a prayer warrior for Michel for the rest of your life…” Maybe…

This one final conversation with God I will share with you    started one year after the first conversation I shared here today. 

Talking With God – Journal Entries 6 and 7.

Reading from “A Case For Marriage Journal” – entry from June 28th, 2017.

And then, I went on and on, every day, quoting Scriptures back to God asking Him to save my marriage. 

As I shared with you in the first episode here, God gave me a special ability as a gift during these divorces – to write Biblical poetry. So, He gave me this poem for Michel’s Birthday: see the poem here (Facebook)

As you have guessed, God did not save my marriage. And here is how I ended my journal:

Reading from “A Case For Marriage Journal” – entry from July 13th, 2017.

What God did give me though was peace. Acceptance of what is. And that is why I am continuing to talk to Him every day. And that’s why I encourage you to do as well. Talk to God. Tell Him everything.

I went to trial a few weeks ago, seeing Michel for the first time since March, praying to gain closure through that experience, and asking God to help me stay humble and kind: not defensive, not angry, not bitter. 

I spent hour after hour on the witness stand testifying about this marriage in front of 14 jurors, two attorneys, Michel, judge, our premarital counseling mentors, or marriage counselors, friends, and the general public attending the hearing. 

It was the most humiliating experience of my life. Especially, talking about our wedding night and first sex.

But God did carry me through, He gave me closure and peace. And when my time came to say what I wanted, I said I was already at peace.

Only God, our sovereign King, our Heavenly Father could have blessed me like this, because this entire time leading to this trial I had no peace.

Now, I want to hear from you. Tell me your story:  annaszabo.com/conversations

I’m excited to hear from you! Thank you for listening. God bless. 

DESCRIPTION:

Conversations with God: How to talk to God. Your life is full of the unknown, the unexpected, and the uncontrollable. You face some days when there’s no answers, no light, and no way forward. 

Who can help? Whom can you talk to? Who will listen and actually care? Who will comfort you during difficult seasons of life? Your Heavenly Father. God who cares about the matters of your life, big or small.

He wants to know it all. He wants to be in a personal relationship with you. He wants you to talk to Him about everything.Psalm 55:22 says “Cast your cares on the Lord, and He will sustain you; He will never let the righteous be shaken.” What does it mean for us as Christians to be “shaken” and how does God help us?

I experienced being shaken for good since I got married last year, on May 14th, 2016 and my husband abandoned the marriage and filed for a divorce 4 months later. I know you experience feelings of hopelessness, and sadness, too. Who can help you through tough times? Only God

EDITED POST:

God who cares about the matters of your life, big or small, wants to hear from you. He wants to be in a personal relationship with you. He wants you to talk to Him about everything.

Your life is full of the unknown, the unexpected, and the uncontrollable. Who will listen and actually care? God.

You face some days when there’s no answers, no light, and no way forward. Who can help? Whom can you talk to? Who will comfort you during difficult seasons of life? Your Heavenly Father.

Visit annaszabo.com/conversations to share your thoughts with me.

Psalm 55:22 says “Cast your cares on the Lord, and He will sustain you; He will never let the righteous be shaken.” What does it mean for us as Christians to be “shaken” and how does God help us?

I experienced being shaken for good since I got married last year, on May 14th, 2016 and my husband abandoned the marriage and filed for a divorce 4 months later.

I was disoriented in my thought life, devastated, depressed, and very confused. I shared my story with you in podcast #1. You can also read details at annaszabo.com/about

I know you experience feelings of hopelessness, too. And sadness. Depression. Confusion. I know you also feel desperate at times.

This episode is about those moments. What do you do? Who can hear you and heal your pain?

God. Only God.

1 Peter 5:7 says “Cast all your anxiety on him because he cares for you.”

Let me tell you, I moved away from everything I knew in the city last year, to be with Michel after our wedding. We lived in the country, where I didn’t know people, where I was abandoned by my husband and was completely alone.

As Michel was absent, negligent toward me, and called his bicycle “My Other Wife I Cheat On You With,” I cast all my anxieties on Michel.

He spent all our money on his IronMan endeavors. He rejected me in every way possible, including sexually. I was angry and resentful, so I raged at him.

And you know what? It didn’t help me a bit to cast my cares on Michel, but it did make things worse between me and God.

And when I say “worse,” I mean how I felt about myself showing up in the world as a daughter of God, and how that impacted my relationship with my Heavenly Father.

So, a few weeks after our wedding, I started a journal where I spoke to God openly, vulnerably, being upfront about my feelings and needs, my fears, and doubts, my joy, and pleasure, which were not that many.

The weekend of June 25th, 2016 Michel and I spent some time together. If you don’t remember from the 1st podcast episode, I actually moved into an unfinished construction and had 2 back injuries, with no husband around and boxes everywhere.

Michel mostly rejected me sexually saying he wanted to save his energy for his IronMan training, so when rare lovemaking experiences did happen, I talked to God about those as well.

Whatever you are going through right now, start wherever you are. Start calling Him by His name: God, Father, Abba, and just talk your heart out. Just tell Him everything.

Conversations With God – Journal Entry 1.

I am about to share with you some of my most intimate thoughts and feelings – I am about to read to you my exact journal excerpts. Why? Because I believe this will help you get started if you’re really interested in how to talk to God, how to have real-life conversations with God.

All my journals were subpoenaed by Michel’s attorney and were used in our divorce jury trial this year. It was humiliating and my privacy was violated but you know what all my journals are? Do you want to know?

Conversations with God. That’s all.

I will not share the names of any people, so when you hear me skipping through, it’s because the content of my journal there is about other people.

This podcast is recorded live, it’s unedited, raw, no pretense.

If I start crying or can’t speak from grief, give me a moment here.

But here’s the first example of how to talk to God if you want to start speaking to your Heavenly Father today.

If you’d like me to share my handwritten journal entry, go to annaszabo.com/conversations and ask me in the comment box there and I will scan them and post there for you. Or you can ask me here, just post a comment in show notes.

Reading from “Serenity Journal” – entry from June 27th, 2016.

You can cast your cares on God my talking to Him in writing, or having a conversation with Him in your car, or singing to Him about your feelings, or using art. You can write poetry to God or about God. You can write Him and angry letter. God created you, He can handle your emotions. He wants to be in a relationship with you. Relationships require spending time together. Find your own way to spend time with God. And make it a habit. Put it on the calendar like a date.  

You just have to be completely honest with God.

How To Talk To God – Journal Entry 2.

Here’s my honest note from Monday, August 15th, 2016. 

Reading from “Serenity Journal” – entry from August 15th, 2016.

…and that’s pretty much all. I just told God that Michel asked me to move out of our marital home after a few weeks of marriage… I cried.

When Michel went to Canada to do just another IronMan, I went to the beach to clear my head. I drove from GA to FL and listened to marriage podcasts.

I felt that we just had everything against us – our childhood traumas, neither of us had a real mother or father, we were previously already divorced, I just felt hopeless and I cried the entire time, recording my conversations with God on an iPhone voice recorder just to process my pain and regain my clarity back.

There, on the beach, I journaled and journaled. I experienced sorrow for my marriage, compassion for Michel striving to prove his identity as an IronMan, for all the pain we caused each other, and I felt so much love toward Michel, and so much sadness for what I myself was enduring from him.  

I talked to God sharing him much I want to love Michel with love being a verb in the ways that would be meaningful to him.

I shared with God how I wanted to be a good wife. How I wanted to be kind toward this human being in my life who was hurting me because he himself was also hurt in the past by someone else.

I wrote out the ways in which I recognized I hurt Michel and also how I was hurt by him in every way and how I felt about his cruel actions toward me every day. I only shared that with God.

After we returned home, Michel was nice for a couple of days, which melted my heart and I started a new journal called “Happiness Journal.” On August 24th, 2016 I talked to God with specific requests.

Talking To God – Journal Entry 3.

Reading from “Happiness Journal” – entry from August 24th, 2016.

On August 28th, 2016 I discovered that our mortgage was 3 months unpaid, electric bill, life insurance – all unpaid, while the paychecks I was depositing into our joint checking account were also gone, on bicycle repairs and IronMan activities.

I asked Michel to talk about money. He got very resentful and pretty much stopped even talking to me or acknowledging me after that day.

Conversation With God – Journal Entry 4.

One thing I want you to know as you get started on your own conversations with God – you will not be consistent. God is not looking for your consistency. He wants your honesty.

And you may ask: well doesn’t He already know my heart and all those events in my life? Yes, but He wants you to ask for help, to talk to Him, to reach out and acknowledge how much you need Him.

Asking for help is hard. It requires vulnerability and a close look at ourselves. It requires us to say: “God, I need you. Help me.”

Philippians 4:6-7 says “Be anxious for nothing, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God. And the peace of God, which surpasses all comprehension, will guard your hearts and minds in Christ Jesus.”

And that’s why you’d want to share with God by talking to Him: to ask for help and to be comforted with peace.

James 1:5  says “…but if any of you lacks wisdom, let him ask of God, who gives to all generously” so asking God for help brings us wisdom.

And you might be listening to this episode thinking to yourself: girl, what are you talking about? God didn’t save your marriage, how was this even helpful?

You’re right, Michel and I had a divorce jury trial a few weeks ago and we are now divorced. But this entire journey was for me to gain that wisdom we just mentioned.

I needed to learn to be wise in whom I’m casting my anxieties on and I needed to learn how to love unconditionally.

I didn’t need to curse at Michel. I needed to be on my knees praying to God. But I was so confused and devastated. I didn’t talk to God at first. I didn’t seek wisdom from Him. I was angry from all the rejection and cruelty at home. I was just angry and unwise. I needed to learn God’s wisdom.

That’s why now I am investing time and money into producing this podcast – to share with you what I learned. I want you to talk to God about your life. And be honest. And ask for help. God is there for you.

So here’s what I said in my journal after the troublesome money talk in August last year.

Reading from “Happiness Journal” – entry from August 28th, 2016.

A month after that, when Michel went to just another IronMan competition in Chattanooga, TN, a process server served me with divorce summons at a Christian conference Harvest I was attending with friends. You read the story on my website. I was very depressed.

That month, I started Biblical counseling and I talked to God every single day. I was mostly on my knees weeping, asking for discernment.

But before I move on, I want to share with you one of the conversations with God about my feelings toward Him, yes, God.

You see, on September 4th, 2016 Michel just took off and went to the Mountains with friends, informing me about his change of lifestyle. I was so hurt. I was treated by him as a worthless object, and I let him have it … I sent him a nasty text message series…

And a few hours later I contacted a mother of a pastor of a small church I was attending at the time near our marital residence in Cumming, GA…. and here we were, at Panera Bread where I was sharing everything with her and how much I hated being like that and saying all those mean things to Michel and just whom I was becoming under so much stress, rejection, and financial pressure.

Here’s what I told God in my conversation with Him after that meeting.

A Talk With God – Journal Entry 5.

Reading from “Happiness Journal” – entry from September 5th, 2016.

You can tell God how angry you are at Him. You are going through some serious trials in your life. You are hurt. You feel alone. He is still there waiting for you to run into His loving arms and cry for help.

God loves you wherever you are, even in your anger, bitterness, resentment, devastation, depression, or divorce.

Speaking of which… Michel asked me to reconcile in November and I said yes, and a few weeks later he filed for a divorce again.

On the other side of all this, I can tell you with confidence: if I did not talk to God every day, I don’t know what kind of toll my mental health would suffer from all Michel’s actions and just this overall experience.

This podcast episode has been VERY long. When I thought about sharing all this with you, I had doubts. It’s so personal to me… But then I realized: all of this was already shared with so many people after Michel’s attorney subpoenaed my journals…

I am ok sharing this with you. I believe this can help you. You’re not alone going through your trials. God is there for you, carrying you through, and you might fight hard for something you believe you should have, but God’s plan might be different, yet He still cares and He is weeping WITH you and FOR you. He might not be changing your circumstances to change YOU in those circumstances.

That was my case.

I believed so much in my marriage as a covenant, that during these divorces with Michel, when my attorney went on a long vacation, I started a new journal called “A Case For Marriage” where I presented my evidence from the Bible to God Himself asking to save our marriage.

At the time, I had already moved out. I cast my cares on God daily. I didn’t see Michel or talk to Him for many months, but I continued to love him with all my heart and as our divorce trial was approaching, Michel’s Birthday was also approaching. Ne of my Christian friends said to me: “Maybe the reason why God brought you together is so you can be a prayer warrior for Michel for the rest of your life…” Maybe…

This one final conversation with God I will share with you started one year after the first conversation I shared here today.

Talking With God – Journal Entries 6 and 7.

Reading from “A Case For Marriage Journal” – entry from June 28th, 2017.

And then, I went on and on, every day, quoting Scriptures back to God asking Him to save my marriage.

As I shared with you in the first episode here, God gave me a special ability as a gift during these divorces – to write Biblical poetry. So, He gave me this poem for Michel’s Birthday: see the poem here (Facebook).

As you have guessed, God did not save my marriage. And here is how I ended my journal:

Reading from “A Case For Marriage Journal” – entry from July 13th, 2017.

What God did give me though was peace. Acceptance of what is. And that is why I am continuing to talk to Him every day. And that’s why I encourage you to do as well. Talk to God. Tell Him everything.

I went to trial a few weeks ago, seeing Michel for the first time since March, praying to gain closure through that experience, and asking God to help me stay humble and kind: not defensive, not angry, not bitter.

I spent hour after hour on the witness stand testifying about this marriage in front of 14 jurors, two attorneys, Michel, judge, our premarital counseling mentors, or marriage counselors, friends, and the general public attending the hearing.

It was the most humiliating experience of my life. Especially, talking about our wedding night and first sex.

But God did carry me through, He gave me closure and peace. And when my time came to say what I wanted, I said I was already at peace.

Only God, our sovereign King, our Heavenly Father could have blessed me like this, because this entire time leading to this trial I had no peace.Now, I want to hear from you. Tell me your story: annaszabo.com/conversations

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