"I am Accepted" - Devotional #2 About an Identity In Christ by Anna Szabo

Have you ever felt rejected? I have. This daily devotional addresses the feeling of rejection we experience when someone condemns us for not fitting into their “box,” or when they view us as “having issues. You are accepted by God already, you’re perfect. in this Biblical devotional, I will share my story of realizing: I am accepted by God. To understand my background and some challenges I experienced in life, read “Getting to know Anna Szabo.”

Table of Content hide

1 Daily Devotional for Women: “I Am Accepted”

2 What Feeling Rejected Does To Your Being

3 Feeling Rejected In a Relationship

3.1 Pre-Engagement Counseling

3.2 How Michel Proposed To Me

3.3 When Michel and I Got Married

4 My Story of Rejection

4.1 I Have Complex PTSD (C-PTSD)

4.2 Living With Complex PTSD (C-PTSD)

4.3 IronMan vs Marriage

4.4 Rejection and Mental Cruelty

5 Being Accepted By God

5.1 My Path To Self-Acceptance

5.2 Self-Acceptance and Self-Love

6 I Am Accepted

7 Summary

I was rejected from birth. Born out of wedlock during the crush of the USSR, raised on welfare by a single mom with mental health issues, I experienced a lot of hatred and bullying from her, as well as confusion about who I was and why I was even born. I attempted suicide twice as a child. All I knew about my father was that he was in jail and that I was an unwanted accident. I grew up in a home full of alcoholic relatives from whom I endured emotional abuse and physical violence. I was raped twice. I experienced teen pregnancy. I suffered a miscarriage at 17. Rejection and pain were my lifelong companions until I had a personal encounter with Jesus, which transformed my life.

The format of this devotional is “self-examination.” I’ll be sharing my personal story of how I went from taking others’ rejection to heart and experiencing significant emotional pain to reaching out for the gift of acceptance by God and standing firm in my own shoes of peace. The reason why I chose the self-examination format for my devotionals is that whenever people tell me how I should think, I feel preached to, but whenever they share about their faith journey and breakthroughs, I feel touched by their story.

I trust that sharing my struggles with rejection and presenting my spiritual breakthroughs in this Biblical devotional for women will encourage and empower you.

I am Accepted #52Devotionals Devotions for Women by Anna Szabo

**Daily Devotional for Women: “I Am Accepted”**

I have “issues.” I was rejected for who I am. The rejection I experienced was painful and humiliating. I felt crippled and damaged. My heart was broken from being rejected. It was shattered into millions of microscopic pieces every day in my marriage with The Narcissist.

I was so hurt. I was manipulated into a suicidal depression as my “issues” were mocked and made fun of publicly.

You’ll find out about my “issues” in a minute. First, let me ask you this: what “issues” do you have? Anxiety? Insecurity? Self-doubt? Anger? Or something more serious, like addictions, for example? What are those things for which you felt rejected by the very people you trusted?

Here’s my story and a host of my “issues:”

What Feeling Rejected Does To Your Being

Rejection by others sends a signal to you that someone thinks you’re weird. Researchers have found that the same areas of our brain light up in an MRI machine when we experience rejection as when we experience physical pain. While physical pain often goes away rather quickly, the emotional pain provoked by experiencing rejection can be life-long and might even be relived over and over again with the same or even greater intensity.

Feeling rejected interferes with our innate need to belong.

Being rejected is always painful.

Let me share with you my story of rejection. Well… first, I’ll share with you my love story.

Feeling Rejected In a Relationship

I remember January 31st of 2016, a beautiful cool afternoon. I had a boyfriend. His name was Michel. I wanted to help Michel feel special as he was returning from a business trip to Seattle, so I prepared a picnic for him. Homemade food and a beautiful view of a fountain on a small lake. The scenery was breath-taking!

It all took place at Perimeter Church on a late Sunday afternoon.

Why was I with my boyfriend at church picnicking late Sunday afternoon?

He had signed us up for pre-engagement counseling.

He wanted to marry me but I was hesitant.

Pre-Engagement Counseling

We were getting ready to go to the pre-engagement counseling class at Perimeter Church called “Right Start.” Michel signed us up for that class because just a few weeks after we started dating, he had told me he wanted to marry me.

Michel Szabo with Anna Szabo at Piedmont Park in 2016 - Engagement

I said I’d consider marriage if we would attend pre-engagement counseling. Michel chose Perimeter Church because he graduated from Metro Atlanta Seminary there (according to him, no one actually ever confirmed it within the Church). My perspective was that pre-engagement counseling would help me decide whether or not I could respond positively to Michel’s idea of marriage. That’s how we got into the “Right Start” class for ten couples.

That afternoon on January 31st, 2016 we were hungry. We were about to go to class and learn about marriage after a day of running around Atlanta. A picnic seemed to be the best way to spend our time together in a special and productive way while waiting for pre-engagement counseling to start.

I thought a homemade picnic would make Michel feel special.

The weather was cool that day, so I brought a blanket. I was wearing a black jacket with a leather belt from H&M to stay warm. It was peaceful and nice outside, and I was excited to spend quality time with the man I loved.

How Michel Proposed To Me

I was setting up the picnic, turned around, and there was Michel kneeling before me with a ring. Are you curious to know what my response was to Michel?

First I yelled: “What the hell?!”

No, I’m not kidding… LOL!

I actually responded with those very words. I’m serious.

After that, I looked at Michel and saw a future together.

I saw the man I respected and loved. Witnessing him humbling himself and kneeling before me with the ring, not only did I say “yes” to his marriage proposal but I also said the following:

Michel, you are the most Christ-like man I’ve ever met. With your behaviors, actions, and interactions with me and others, you’ve exhibited the Fruit of the Spirit” – and I named the nine – “I’ll be honored to spend the rest of my life with you.
My response to Michel’s marriage proposal

Michel Szabo and Anna Szabo engagement at Piedmont Park in Atlanta in 2016

Michel worked at North Point in Alpharetta and portrayed himself as a seminary graduate who loved Jesus. It seemed as if God was Michel’s priority. All the qualities I listed verbally as his own, he truly exhibited in our dating relationship.

Most of the time, when I thought about Michel, I thought “Christ-like.”

When Michel and I Got Married

Michel and I were married on May 14th, 2016 in front of family and friends. As I walked down the aisle, there stood Michel, the man I loved and adored! He had tears in his eyes. Michel declared his genuine love for me to the world that day.

Michel Szabo and Anna Szabo Wedding - daily devotionals for women

Our wedding was joyful and memorable. I left behind Anna Stevens, became “Missis Szabo,” and looked forward with a hopeful heart to spending the rest of my life with the man I saw as Christ-like.

My Story of Rejection

After the wedding, Michel abandoned our marriage and declared to me: “My bicycle is my other wife I cheat on you with.” He said that he wasn’t interested in me and that all he wanted was to be an IronMan and complete in Kona. We never made it to even a honeymoon. Instead, right after our wedding, we went to Chattanooga, TN for an IronMan competition.

I was getting used to being rejected by Michel. He rejected me not just verbally and with his daily actions, but sexually, too, stating that he needed to save his body for IronMan training. He rejected me emotionally, spiritually, mentally, and in every aspect of our relationship.

Very rapidly after our wedding, Michel’s behavior was becoming less surprising as His mental cruelty was increasing. He mostly ignored me, stonewalled me, and gave me Silent Treatment.

I regularly dealt with his silent treatment. I was, most of the time, left completely alone in our marital residence in Cumming, GA at Adair Park.

I began to be ok with Michel’s cruelty…

I remember one afternoon as if it were yesterday.

It was a few weeks after our wedding…

Well, hold on. Let me first give you some background information.

My “Issues”

For many years, prior to getting married to Michel, I lived in my very safe apartment, on the fifth floor of a nice luxury building, with 64 video cameras in the building and remote-controlled doors and elevators.

It was located in a nice neighborhood, with police living on the property, and it was very safe. I felt safe there, at “Flats at Perimeter Place.”

When Michel and I were dating, I was very upfront with him about my so-called “issues,” just like I am here with you.

I was honest and open with him.

There were absolutely no secrets about me.

When Michel announced to me that we should get married, on a regular basis I tried to talk him out of it. Why? Even though I loved him, I knew that living with me would not be easy.

Why so?

I have complex PTSD.

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I loved and needed my safe home, video cameras, doors closed and locked. I can’t have random people in the house. I need safety and predictability. I need security and confidence that my home is a place where I can relax.

Michel and I met a few days after someone followed me to my apartment, after which I bought a $500 professional taser. Michel himself helped me assemble and test the taser.

So, he witnessed my PTSD first-hand. Michel knew that I needed a safe, secure, organized, and protected home. Period.

I Have Complex PTSD (C-PTSD)

You see, I was raped twice as a teen. I was abused at home growing up every day. Beaten up, I had no safe place at all in my home environment.

My family was extremely violent. When I was 5 years old, my aunt chased me with a knife to kill me. My grandma tried to chock me when I was very little. My mother molested me. My father molested me. And I can go on about this but the point I’m making is that my PTSD was no surprise to Michel since I was upfront with my story and open in all counseling sessions, exercises, and conversations.

In 2009, I was in an abusive marriage and was rescued by the police, after which I was delivered to a shelter for victims of domestic abuse in Stone Mountain, GA.

I can go on and on about everything that happened to me in my earlier years of life, but we don’t have all day for that. The point is that I lived through a lot of violence, which caused trauma.

Safety is very important to me.

C-PTSD was the result of trauma. I had shared with Michel consistently about this when trying to talk him out of the marriage idea. But he wanted me as his wife (at least for the wedding night, as a mental checkbox, which he kept a secret of course).

Living With Complex PTSD (C-PTSD)

Suffering from C-PTSD is an everyday battle. Complex post-traumatic stress disorder (C-PTSD, also known as complex trauma disorder) is an anxiety disorder that can develop in response to the prolonged, repeated experience of interpersonal trauma in a context in which the individual has little or no chance of escape. It’s an anxiety disorder caused by prolonged emotional and physical trauma.

Having a safe home is the #1 priority in my life, otherwise, I become paralyzed by anxiety. I must be confident that I’m safe. I have to know that no one’s looking through my window. Safety is very important to me, otherwise, I freak out, have panic attacks, and experience crying spells.

I can’t have glass doors at home without any covers, while neighbors are coming up to the door staring inside my house. I must have privacy. I must have security. I must be in a safe home environment.

Michel had promised me a safe home, privacy, and security if I marry him and move to Adair Park in Cumming, far away from everything I knew in the city where I had my safe heaven, privacy, and security.

I married Michel. I moved to Cumming. But he failed all his promises.

He left me stuck in an 1800 sq. ft. country house with no security cameras or alarm, a glass front door where drunk neighbors looked inside my home seeking to find me there, uncovered windows, and so many other unsafe conditions that caused severe daily anxiety and pain for me.

I married a good Christian man. I lived with Satan. It was like Dr. Jekyl and Mr. Hyde, only in my real life, where the Narcissist pulled me into multiple realities with the intention of driving me insane.

Our marital residence was an unfinished construction with all electrical outlets uncovered, unfinished floors, windows with no blinds, and Michel gave code access to our home’s garage doors to random strangers.

So, here I was, living trapped in this miserable scary house, feeling unsafe, and crying on the couch that one afternoon when he walked in and saw me completely crushed.

IronMan vs Marriage

Michel had abandoned our marriage by then already. It happened right after our wedding. He said he changed his mind and realized that all he wanted actually was to be an IronMan and compete in Kona.

Michel was gone most of the time to do 116 miles of IronMan training every day, to party with friends, to do anything but just not be “married” while I was left alone in the house in the country where I knew no one and my boxes were not even fully unpacked from moving in after our wedding.

That afternoon he came from another 10 hours of training for IronMan. I remember he walks in, sees me crushed and in tears on the couch… I’m weeping, he comes close, and gives me this disapproving look of contempt and rejection. My blood turned into ice and hair stood up on my back.

There’s a name for this common narcissistic behavior. It’s called Narcissistic Reptilian Stare, and I even wrote a poem about it called The Narcissist’s Reptilian Stare. With this reptilian stare, he looked down on me for a long time with the look that said: “I despise you, you are worthless.”

Combined with Michel’s words and actions of daily rejection, I cannot tell you how painful the experience of that marriage was for me. No words can express how hurtful it was to be married to a man who took all your vulnerabilities and used them with cruelty to mentally manipulate you.

Rejection and Mental Cruelty

There were no blinds on the master bathroom window, but there was a big tree, so I felt ok since it offered privacy from the neighbors. Michel put a huge ladder there to look inside my bathroom window when we already were living in different bedrooms. I lived in the master bedroom. He lived on the other end of the hallway in the guest bedroom.

The night I spotted the ladder, I was in the bathroom taking a shower, so I was naked and vulnerable when I saw the ladder right outside my bathroom window!

As you can imagine, I had a severe panic attack, I was scared and devastated! When I came to him to ask him about it… Michel laughed. Yes. Laughing was his response. And then, more rejection. More contempt. More mental cruelty.

I asked Michel to remove the ladder and he promised to do so. Of course, he never removed it and continued using it to mentally abuse me. Eventually, a neighbor moved the heavy ladder seeing the mental cruelty Michel was imposing on me making fun of the vulnerability I had shared with him openly and honestly when we were just dating.

The trauma I experienced in that marriage resulted in me going through a severe depression and having suicidal thoughts. It was a dark time. I felt helpless and hopeless.

I was seeing a Biblical counselor and turned to the Bible to find out WHAT DOES GOD SAY ABOUT ME instead of focusing on Michel’s rejection of me. I discovered 52 answers to this one question. I wrote a book about it and I started giving it to women as a free gift. Grab your gift here now.

52 things God says about you and your identity in Christ

Being Accepted By God

While looking for the answers about my identity as a child of God, I found out that God made me perfect in His image for His divine purpose. I discovered that the Bible teaches us to accept one another as Christ accepted us.

“The one who eats everything must not treat with contempt the one who does not, and the one who does not eat everything must not judge the one who does, for God has accepted them.”
Romans 14:3

What does this mean to us today?

In my case, it means that when Michel was incapable of understanding my anxiety from the unsafe house I had to live in with him in such a cruel environment, he was not to judge me.

He treated me with cruelty for fun and out of contempt.

He wanted to make me feel crazy and scared.

This verse also means, that when Michel did cruelly use that vulnerability to mentally abuse me, I was not to focus on Michel’s disapproval of me but instead focus on God’s acceptance of me, which I didn’t do initially but I did focus on God’s acceptance of me eventually.

DAILY DEVOTIONALS FOR WOMEN

It is one of God’s Promises: we are accepted.

In your case, whatever your “issues” are, others have no experience or understanding of your journey. They are not qualified to judge you.

Most importantly, no one can reject you because you are already accepted by God just the way you are.

Listen.

You are accepted by God: nothing about you needs to change.

God loves you already. You are His masterpiece made perfectly created in His own image and set aside for His divine purpose.

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My Path To Self-Acceptance

Others can’t really reject you because the King of the universe accepted you. Christ accepted you. Can you reject yourself? I rejected myself a lot.

I had such internal conflict between who I was before I married Michel and who I became after I moved in with him following our wedding. I was Anna Stevens and I became Anna Szabo. Here’s a podcast where I explain the conflict I had within myself due to all the abuse I endured. I rejected myself.

“Accept one another, then, just as Christ accepted you, in order to bring praise to God.”
Romans 15:7

So, by receiving acceptance from Jesus Christ, we bring glory to God. How? By accepting ourselves and having peace about who we are.

When we’re focusing on God’s grace instead of our own perceived strengths and abilities, or weaknesses and weirdness, we give God all the honor and glory. Instead of pretending to be perfect or having it all together, I can tell you about my issues and God’s grace in my life, and, through that, you too can have hope in Christ.

I accepted my own imperfections. I’m now more likely to accept your imperfections, too. I started focusing on what God says about me rather than focusing on my perceived strengths and weaknesses. I’m now more likely to focus on what God says about you and how much He loves you.

My hope is that you’re encouraged and empowered by this devotional and that you’ll think about yourself and how you can share your imperfections and help others. Your story is for God’s glory. Remember it.

You could comfort another woman who may have the same vulnerability as you and perhaps feels inadequate and lonely, like I did. By sharing your story, you could show a struggling woman that she’s not alone.

You can empower women with your story!

If this blog has ever encouraged you, consider supporting this ministry, Online Discipleship For Women, by making a donation.

You may have a powerful message for someone who feels rejected and maybe even depressed or suicidal like I was. Hearing from you about your real life and struggles may be all a woman needs in order to feel connected and have hope. If you accepted your “imperfections,” if you accepted yourself the way you are, if you accepted God’s acceptance of you, share your story in the comments below so we can rejoice together.

Self-Acceptance and Self-Love

The process of discovering what God says about me and how He accepts me the way I am led me to a breakthrough: even though Michel did not love me and he did not have any compassion for me, my Lord and Savior loves me with deep compassion. Even though Michel rejected me every day in every way, Jesus welcomes me with acceptance and passion every second of every minute. I am accepted by God, and so are you.

I realized that when my fears and anxieties would overcome me because of my humanity and flesh, my past trauma and pain, the Spirit lives also in me and I can choose to rest in God’s peace any time.

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When anxiety, fear, rejection, and other afflictions attack me, I can choose God’s Spirit of Truth vs my worldly flesh, fear, and anxiety. I can die in my flesh and walk in God’s Spirit, every time. All I need is to remember the promises of God and who God says I am in Christ.

RELATED: Identity In Christ

Michel and I are now divorced.

Since I was traded in for an IronMan bicycle by him, feeling ugly was the biggest insecurity I inherited from a marriage with Michel. I’ve since learned to accept myself just the way I am: with my fears, C-PTSD, belly fat, cellulite, sponge-like hair, acne, and dark circles under my eyes.

That process led me to discover self-love. Self-acceptance and self-love empowered me to get on camera in my swimsuit without any makeup and share my story.

When I stopped fighting and rejecting myself, I got the energy to start a 100 squats a day fitness challenge to get my energy, clarity, and life back.

Self-acceptance and self-love led me to transform my body, mind, lifestyle, mental health, and my relationship with God.

Choose to believe what God says about you and not what the world says about you. Choose to walk in God’s Spirit of Truth and not your worldly Flesh (negative self-talk and self-rejection).

Honor God by trusting what he says about who you are as His precious daughter. You are in the process of becoming more Christ-like, more perfect, more holy, but it takes a lifetime. It’s called sanctification.

Right now, you’re perfect to God already, just the way you are, nothing is wrong with you. It’s called justification. You’re perfect because of Jesus.

By the way, if this ministry and blog are helpful, support Online Discipleship For Women by making a donation now.

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You are accepted. You are loved, just the way you are, right now. Jesus adores you. He welcomes you with open arms. No makeup needed, no dressing up, no high heels. With your hair undone, with your current weight, the black circles under your eyes, with your wrinkles, and your grey hair, with your fears, anxieties, and our whatever else – you are accepted by God as a perfect masterpiece made by Him for a special divine purpose in His kingdom.

Do you believe this?

If you do, memorize the Biblical affirmation below and practice it often to remember that you are accepted by God.

I Am Accepted

"I Am Accepted" #52Devotionals
 
I have been accepted by my Lord and Savior.
He loves with compassion, and to Him I'm welcome.
I am here to honor God with my behavior,
To become more Christ-like, choosing flesh more seldom.  

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How does it feel to know that Jesus accepts you just the way you are right now? Let me know in the comments below to give God the honor and glory. If this devotional was helpful, download my book of #52Devotionals now for free to access over 50 additional positive devotionals for women.

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Summary

You have endured rejection in life, no doubt. People’s disapproval hurts you more than just physically – it hurts you emotionally, spiritually, mentally, and in every aspect of your being. I know how painful it feels to be rejected. But God approves of you. He accepts you. You are accepted by God. I created a Christian meditation for you, filled with positive Biblical Affirmations to uplift your spirit, help you relax, and encourage you.

Accepting God’s acceptance of you and accepting yourself (whew, that’s a mouthful) will help you live a joyful life if you embrace God’s word. I hope my story shows you how damaging it can be to take rejection, that others impose on you, to heart. Enduring rejection and rejecting yourself no longer have to burden you. You know that you’re accepted by God. If this devotional helped, share it with a woman who needs it.

Anna Szabo

Anna Szabo is the founder of Online Discipleship For Women, a Christian ministry committed to helping alleviate suicide among women globally by sharing hope in Christ. Anna teaches how to create a joyful life by embracing God’s word based on her six pillars of joyful living: faith, food, fitness, finances, felicity, and fortitude. She is a Christian speaker, YouTuber, artist, poet, and blogger who created 2,000,000 words of Gospel-focused content to encourage and empower you. Donate to show your support.

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**Daily Devotional for Women: “I Am Accepted”**

What Feeling Rejected Does To Your Being